I found mine

And I’ve discovered people don’t like it

I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve been labeled difficult

But I don’t care

If advocating for myself makes you uncomfortable

If setting boundaries makes you question my motives

If standing firm and holding my ground makes me the bad guy

Then the problem isn’t me

I’d rather speak up and speak out

Being the ‘nice one’ is overrated if results in you in being someone else’s punching bag

Label me as difficult

Label me as overreacting

Label me as ‘the problem’

It only reinforcing I’m right in taking a stance and using my voice

You’ve already attempted it once

You started a fire

Then stood in the flames claiming you were the victim

I am very aware you’re mad at me

And it’s over something YOU did

But you’re using smoke and mirrors

Trying to deflect and project

I have no interest in going down that road

Nor fanning the flames of the fire you started

Make as many attempts as you want to draw me in

I refuse to participate

Spin it however you want

It’s not going to change it

You got called out

Multiple times

And you’re going to keep getting called out

Not obnoxiously

That’s you’re department

You can disliking me

I’m not going to go out of my way to change your opinion of me

There’s no point

Your mind was made up long before you started a war over something you did

I have no interest in participating in your war

No matter how many times you try to draw me in

You can rephrase it however you want

You can leave out part of the story

You can throw in an accusation to divert attention

It’s still a lie

It was obvious you were up to something

Your behavior changed

It always changes right before you do something big

And it’s usually something that will attempt to draw a reaction

A reaction that ends up with YOU accusing ME of being crazy and mentally ill

Which is exactly what happened

You knew what you were doing when you did it

I knew it the second I saw the plan in full motion

You didn’t like me flipping the tables as your plan was still in action

So you tried to change the narrative as things weren’t going the way you wanted

You intentionally left things out

And you threw in an accusation of what lead up to the confrontation

One that was a total lie

There’s evidence to back me up

I refused to budget

Neither did you

So you made another attempt about 2 hours later

One that was meant to continue the attempt to draw another reaction

Because if it did, you could still claim that I was the crazy one

But it went nowhere

So you made one more attempt as you walked away

And another one an hour later

The passive aggressive behavior is there

You can claim it’s ME that’s the problem

When it’s just YOU projecting

But no matter what it called it

It’s not going to change what it ACTUALLY is

A lie is still a lie

And your ‘story’ of events started with one

There’s a silence that’s starting to happen

One that feels different

A silence where you can sit in peace and actually hear yourself think

Where the background noise intentionally caused by others has taken a temporary hiatus

Background noise that’s meant to disrupt, disregulate and create chaos

Background noise that’s meant to discombobulate, threaten and coerce

Because behavior that is passive aggressive and meant to make you uncomfortable is harder to prove

Where the reason for it is petty

But then the silence hits

Because the passive aggressive behavior has been put on hold

But this time, the silence that follows is different

Because even though behavior can speak for you and be extremely loud without uttering a word

The silence that follows can say just as much

Will it last?

Probably not

For the individuals involved don’t like it when you don’t react to their pettiness

They’re out for blood and insist on taking you out for something they got called out on

Projection may speak for you as you try to place blame on someone else for your actions

But it won’t speak for me

I’ll take the silence and the quiet road

It exists somewhere

A land where you live in peace

Where there’s help when you need it

A place to stay that feels like home

And comes with an abundance of food

Where nothing is ever wasted

And mental health is never an issue

Where people treat each other with love, respect and dignity

Where hate, gaslighting and lying don’t exist

And you get banished if you intentionally create trouble

Where passive aggressive behavior is snuffed out before it even has a chance to take root

It exists somewhere

Even if the path to get there isn’t always easy to find

If it exists at all

And it’s one that will continue for the foreseeable future

It’s a process

Baby steps have been taken

A path has been forged

A network of support is being formed

But it’s still an uphill battle

One that can be filled with land mines

When the slightest breeze can trigger a trauma response

And you’re trying to prevent a downward spiral

Mental health is a work in progress

With each step

And each day

Working towards a goal

I know what happened

I know what he did

I saw the wedge he ended up creating

And how everyone fell for it

I saw the ghosting and gaslighting

Silence ensued

For when the truth tried to be told

It fell on deaf ears

There’s nothing left to explain

When understanding refused to take hold

When a lie presented through an image was read as the truth

When a stereotype based on perception was seen as accurate

Healthy communication builds connection

Chronic disregard brings quiet exits