There’s a silence that’s starting to happen

One that feels different

A silence where you can sit in peace and actually hear yourself think

Where the background noise intentionally caused by others has taken a temporary hiatus

Background noise that’s meant to disrupt, disregulate and create chaos

Background noise that’s meant to discombobulate, threaten and coerce

Because behavior that is passive aggressive and meant to make you uncomfortable is harder to prove

Where the reason for it is petty

But then the silence hits

Because the passive aggressive behavior has been put on hold

But this time, the silence that follows is different

Because even though behavior can speak for you and be extremely loud without uttering a word

The silence that follows can say just as much

Will it last?

Probably not

For the individuals involved don’t like it when you don’t react to their pettiness

They’re out for blood and insist on taking you out for something they got called out on

Projection may speak for you as you try to place blame on someone else for your actions

But it won’t speak for me

I’ll take the silence and the quiet road

It exists somewhere

A land where you live in peace

Where there’s help when you need it

A place to stay that feels like home

And comes with an abundance of food

Where nothing is ever wasted

And mental health is never an issue

Where people treat each other with love, respect and dignity

Where hate, gaslighting and lying don’t exist

And you get banished if you intentionally create trouble

Where passive aggressive behavior is snuffed out before it even has a chance to take root

It exists somewhere

Even if the path to get there isn’t always easy to find

If it exists at all

And it’s one that will continue for the foreseeable future

It’s a process

Baby steps have been taken

A path has been forged

A network of support is being formed

But it’s still an uphill battle

One that can be filled with land mines

When the slightest breeze can trigger a trauma response

And you’re trying to prevent a downward spiral

Mental health is a work in progress

With each step

And each day

Working towards a goal

I know what happened

I know what he did

I saw the wedge he ended up creating

And how everyone fell for it

I saw the ghosting and gaslighting

Silence ensued

For when the truth tried to be told

It fell on deaf ears

There’s nothing left to explain

When understanding refused to take hold

When a lie presented through an image was read as the truth

When a stereotype based on perception was seen as accurate

Healthy communication builds connection

Chronic disregard brings quiet exits

The one thing that will set me off?

See what my limit is?

How far you need to go before I ‘lose it’?

You have a pattern

A cycle

I am very well aware of what you’re doing

And why I’m your target

You have the signs of an abuser written in your actions

The red flags started popping up a while ago

Now your waving them like your the sane one and everyone else is problematic

You can project your flaws onto me

Shift the focus and deflect

Pass the blame onto others

You’re a brick wall

And very much tone deaf

You deal mostly in verbal assault and mental abuse

And you use your physical stature to emphasize your point

Making sure those ‘lower’ than you know their place

I am not going to argue you

Even though you probably want me to

Because it’ll go nowhere

According to you, there’s only one right side: yours

You can start all the battles you want

But the vast majority of problems you see are caused by you

At least there’s a camera watching

It’ll back me up when you decide to erupt like a volcano

The only thing I’m guilty of right now is letting you getting under my skin

And you’re trying capitalize on it

Life happens
Sometimes it happens in the most unexpected ways and in the most unexpected places
When a curveball comes out of left field and takes you by surprise, it can take a while to process
Especially when you’re in the middle of a life altering event
We’ve been through plenty of those in the past few years
Thankfully, we’re in a place where we now have some breathing room
Some distance (and time) has resulted in getting retrospective
Yes, there have been plenty of difficulties
Yes, we got through them
But it shed a light on the direction we should be heading
It also shed a light on who is heading down that path with us
Some people I didn’t expect to be left behind are being left behind
Not by choice, but by necessity
Actions, or lack thereof, can sometimes speak louder than words
So can staying silent
I’ll probably get argued on the point with a ‘That’s not what I meant’
An open discussion with an open mind would have produced more results
But life happened
We’ve moved forward
And we’re in the process of finding our footing again, setting a new foundation
The grass may not always be greener on the other side
But it can sometimes be the start of a very promising beginning with greener pastures on the horizon

We’ve all been there

We’re given a choice to make

Sometimes it’s a situation where the choice seems impossible

Because no matter how you look at it

It simply becomes a ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ type of situation

And you find yourself in a pickle

Do I? Don’t I?

So you make a choice based on the circumstances you see in front of you

And I’ve made plenty of choices over the last 3 years that many haven’t agreed with

And I’m okay with that

They weren’t there

They weren’t in the thick of it

They didn’t see the full scope of the problem

And probably still don’t

But every choice made was the best option for that particular moment

Not only did they put us on a path that’s closer to where we need to be

It also shed some light on who is (and who isn’t) coming with us on that path

Being caught in a pickle isn’t exactly fun

But the end result can give more clarity than you think