Dreams

They say your dreams are an extension of your daily life, making it’s way into your subconscious at night. A way to make sense of things.

Last night, I had a dream. It was a weird one (which isn’t unusual). The topic wasn’t an unusual one, either, as it’s kinda a recurring dream. The scenario may be different, but the topic itself wasn’t.

Today, I went and looked up the meaning, to see if their was a message that my subconscious was trying to tell me. My hunch proved correct.

I am about to enter a new phase with the narcissist. One that will more than likely bring more chaos and heartache with it.

For the past year and a half, I’ve watched as the narcissist quietly started to take a hold of my life. I watched as his control took over. I watch as my life started to crumble and my mental health started to shatter. I watched as I tried to tell the world what he was doing, only to watch as many walked away not believing me with only a few to stay behind to help fight.

I observed, took notes and tried to find a way out. With absolutely no help, leaving became impossible. So, I waited and kept dredging along in hopes that something positive may come out of it. My mental health kept getting worse by the day.

Steps were taken and now the Ontario Landlord Tenant Board is now involved. For the past month, evidence has been gathered and is in the process of being uploaded. Last night, I had my weird dream. This morning, I looked up the meaning and discovered that the dream ‘symbolized cleansing and release. This could be a part of yourself or your surroundings that needs to be let go to bring clean new energy into your life. However, it also signifies fear of this cleansing process because letting go requires vulnerable honesty and transparency’.

It made perfect sense. As I’m in the process of (hopefully) bringing down the narcissist, letting the world now finally see what he’s doing is somewhat freeing.

Yes, I may be doing a ‘cleanse’ and freeing negative energy, there is still a deep rooted fear. I have seen the narcissist already begin his retaliation process. To the rest of the world, it may not be a big deal (since what he’s doing can be seen as ‘normal behavior’ by the casual observer). But since I’ve seen what’s hidden behind the curtain, both the narcissist and I know differently (and it’s something he won’t ever admit to since it’s not within his capacity to do).

We both know he’s going to escalate things.

We both know he doesn’t like that I’m taking away his control.

We both know his true identity will be revealed when the information is released for all to see.

We both know he’ll go as far as he needs to pay me back. How far that will be? Only he knows. And for me, any fear I may have is justified. He’ll go as far as he wishes for payback and have no remorse.