He’s clamping down
The AC came yesterday just in the last evening, even though it shouldn’t have as it was 14°C outside
Today, it came on at 8:42am as he was leaving to take his kids to school and daycare. It hasn’t cycled once. He’s been extremely quiet, as well as his family. They’ve barely made a peep, even as they exited and entered their apartment
He knows where my boundaries are. My limits. He knows I’ve exceeded my breaking point and the thread I was hanging by broke. He’s adding fuel to the fire and knows I can’t do anything about it. In his mind, he won and he’s going to keep adding pressure until I’m obliterated. The people who can stop him don’t care.
But all I’m getting are blank looks. Crickets. I keep getting resources that are meant to help, but end up not applying to my situation. This may be a domestic abuse problem, but I’m not his partner so the rules don’t apply to me
Hotlines are worthless. I can be provided with all the resources and advice they have, but unless they can provide a concrete way out, it’s meaningless.
I don’t need words. I already have a lifetime supply of sympathy. Walks can only do so much and any benefit from one wears off within hours (due to the narcissists actions).
The support system I should have in this situation hasn’t materialized. There’s been stops and starts, and it leads nowhere.
I can keep reminding myself not to react. To not give him the time of day or to keep giving him the silent treatment. But that only gets me so far.
I’m tired of putting on a brave face
I’m tired of bursting into tears and have meltdowns
I’m tired of the panic attacks
I shouldn’t have move back to Ohio. I’d essentially be trading one toxic situation for another.
Symphony can only take me so far. I need people who can ACT on it, knowing full way that their actions speak louder than words. It comes with an understanding that what has happened SHOULDN’T have happened and that no one should have to experience that. PERIOD.
I may sound like a broken record at this point, but I don’t care.
By providing the physical support, acting on a request of help, it provides the beginning of mental healing. They go hand in hand. It may not take care of the trauma that was caused, but it provides a mental relief that someone actually stood up for you and provided you with a way out. That someone has your back in a time of need.
He’s obsessed. He’s determined. He wants to see me fail.
Island of Misfit Mamas 