‘Reach out if you need help’

‘All you have to do is ask’

‘If you ever need anything…’

Empty words.

Empty promises.

Attempt after attempt was made

But it went nowhere

Fell on deaf ears

I learned it the hard way

In the beginning, I didn’t know that you were a narcissist

There was a lot of information that slipped and you got a hold of it, only to use it against me later on

But I learned

Now, I know

Silence is key

There have been many a day where I wrecked your plans to ruin my day

You’ve gotten to the point where you’re behavior shows how frustrating you’re finding it

Bringing out some of your old plays and overusing your ‘dog whistle’

The longer I go ignoring you, giving you the silent treatment, the harder you dig in your heels

I have no interest in retaliation

I have no interest in making things worse

I have no interest anymore

I like the silence too much

It’s their

You put it in place yourself

You’re making sure I have only one of two choices: either obey, and you make my life ‘workable’, or act up, and you make things a living hell and unbearable

There’s essentially no difference between the two

Either way, you’re wanting to be the one to dominate

I submit and obey, you’re forcing me to become a shell of a person. You won’t come after me, but you’ll consider me ‘broken in’ and give ‘reminders’ of that you’re in charge. Life would pretty much amount to being on autopilot, but be considered ‘better than the alternative’.

If the option of fighting back is chosen, you dig in. The psychological warfare begins until I give in. You make sure anything that is done happens behind closed doors and only invisible scars are left behind. After all, who would believe that someone can be that evil?

As the past few weeks have demonstrated, you haven’t liked the fact that I refuse to give in

The longer I go, the more you dig in your heels

My time around you is coming to an end

I am not playing a game where only you see yourself as the winner

Either way, you’re going to try to make sure I lose

I’m opting for option 3: I don’t give a f*ck and I’m chosing the hidden path that you don’t see

You attempted to take away my right to express my emotions

To the rest of the world, that may not seem like a big deal

But you full well know how much of an impact it actually has

Right from the very beginning, you took my reactions and used them against me

Angry that you kept the heat off? ‘You’ve got an anger problem’

Upset that both my son and I are freezing? ‘You’re too emotional’

Frustrated that it’s been a rough day, nothing going right? ‘You’re imagining things’

With every emotion that was expressed, it was twisted and used against me

Whether I got mad at you for harassing me or I was having a hard time because the day proved to take an unexpected turn, you took the opportunity to make it worse

It’s hard to put it into words since it all centered around actions, hidden behind closed doors

Actions that can be easily denied since no evidence was left behind

You thrive of nuances

Results usually meant psychological warfare

Leaving hidden scars

Scars that be easily denied, explained away

It became a case of ‘Damned if I do, damned if I don’t’

Show my emotions, getting frustrated with things like a normal human, and you’d use it against me and attempt to make it worse by finding ways to keep repeating the process

Finding what makes me tick and going all in, trying so very hard to make sure I look like the unstable one because you keep pushing my buttons and making sure I react

If I don’t react, you dig in your heels and go all in, not stopping until you’re actions elicit a reaction

I shouldn’t have to suppress myself to keep you from harming me, nor should I have to endure a barrage of actions meant to elicit a reaction when I refuse to engage

The intimidation

The fear

The lies

The lack of accountability

The power

The control

The arrogance

The obsession

When I take a step back and look at what you’ve done, it’s astounding

How can one person insist on causing so much damage but have no remorse?

But then I have to remember: you’re evil.

You don’t care

As long as you get your way, everything else is collateral damage

The ‘My way or the highway’ mentality

You don’t care that you’re own kids are pawns in a game to get back at me for figuring you out, for refusing to submit

All done behind closed doors

With absolutely no physical evidence

Just invisible scars

When I moved here, I wasn’t expecting you

When I moved here, I wasn’t expecting the ordeal you would go on to create

When I moved here, I wasn’t expecting a lot of things that ended up happening because of you

It ended up putting me on an expensive learning curve

But I did learn to stand up for myself

I also learned who will be staying behind when we move on

Should they emerge from the shadows after the dust settles, they’ll be turned away

The bridge with them has already been burned. I have no interest in rebuilding it.

I have no regrets in standing up to you

I may not be here when you finally fall from grace, but I know I got the ball rolling

I look forward to beginning my journey without you

The day will come

I’m tired of dealing with the bullsh!t

I have done nothing wrong but yet, I keep getting the raw end of the deal

I’ve put up with it long enough

Every effort is being made to make sure my side is heard

I refuse to have my voice silenced

The ripple effects have been HUGE

All because a narcissist got mad that I figured him out

All because I refuse to let him control me

All because I’m standing up for myself

All because I refuse to back down

All because I’m telling the truth about what’s going on behind closed doors

The universe may be watching

Karma will strike when it’s ready

But that hasn’t stopped the narcissist from flipping my world upside down

I am angry

I’m allowed to be

One breath at a time

One step at a time

One moment at a time

The shift has started

You’re trying to keep the control

I’m taking mine back

You’re trying

I see it

You’re actions speak for themselves

Your behaviour speaks volumes

I’m going in the right direction

Small steps

That’s all that is needed right now

It’s there

And you’re the root cause

But you already know that

And you’re trying so very hard to make sure I stay frustrated

You’re losing control over me, so you’re trying

I’m human

There will be times where the worst will be brought out because of what you’re doing

But I’m finding ways of managing it

There will be a time where I won’t have to worry about you using it against me

Where I can feel emotions like a normal human and not worry about repercussions

Where I can just feel

But for now, the control you have over me will continue to slip away

You’re ramping things up

You’ve missed church the last three Sundays, something you’ve never done before

You’re giving the silent treatment

When you’re not, you’re making it as noisy as hell

Avoidance is the name of the game

Playing the same plays, but pushing them more

You don’t like that I refuse to give in

You don’t like I’m not playing your game

You don’t like that you’ve lost control over me

So you dig in

Trying so very hard to make life difficult for me

Trying to figure out my next move

You may be good at playing chess, but I stopped playing a long time ago