…that you’re the problem!

You were gone for 48 hours. There was a shift in atmosphere the entire time you were gone. I knew you were coming back from your excursion today, only because one of your flying monkeys accidentally gave it away. The second you got home, everything shifted again. This time, for worse…

The mind games started before you even got back, but they really ramped up the second you walked through that door…

The psychological impact…

The chess game…

The obsession…

You’re definitely the problem…

…despite how much you try to make it me!

You haven’t been home in 24 hours and there’s a definite shift

The air is lighter

I can now relax without being eavesdropped on

I don’t have to walk on eggshells

I don’t have to worry about you keeping a watchful eye on me

I can be free to do what I want without any repercussions

It may only be temporary, but the change is refreshing

And a well needed reminder that YOU’RE the problem, NOT me

It’s amazing how things change for the better when you’re not around

No matter how many times I’ve asked

No matter how many times I’ve reached out

No matter how many times I’ve pleaded

Society still has a deaf ear

No matter how many times people have said to ‘reach out’

No matter how many times people have said ‘just ask’

No matter how many times people have said ‘speak up’

Society still has a deaf ear

I don’t fit in a bubble

My situation can’t easily be fixed with ‘Do this, go here, do that’ solution

The solution isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ solution

There’s no easy fix

This is a HUGE gray area

Where the solution needs to be as unique as the problem

I’m tired of the rose colored glasses

Society has failed me

It’s not quite what I expected

When this journey first started, there was a lot of unknowns

The path to this point may be broken

The going forward from here may be unclear

But it’s still being walked

A lot had changed

Bridges have been burned

An untold story still waits to be heard

Mistakes may have been made, but they resulted in important lessons being learned

A new future waits

Away from the chaos, where peace and solitude reside

Most importantly, life away from you and your reign of tyranny

A girl that told you no

A girl that is standing up to you

A girl that is standing firm in her position

A girl that refuses to let go

A girl that doesn’t agree with your authoritarianism

A girl. An object to control. Someone you consider beneath you.

But I’m a girl that knows her rights

I may be just a girl

But I’m a girl that has the audacity to keep fighting

A girl that knows she on the right path

A girl that knows she’s doing the right thing

For every time I fight back, and you keep insisting I shouldn’t, I know I’m doing something right

The harder you keep trying to make my life miserable, because I refuse to back down, I know I’m doing something right…

I’m just a girl, but I’m more than you’ll ever be…

You just will not give up

Your obsession is getting worse by the day

I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong

All I did was ask that you to stop

But you took that as an act of rebellion

The more I fight back, the more you dog in your heels

You’re determined to win

To break me

To push me so far over the edge that I’ll never recover

I’m not giving in

I’ve learnt a lot over the years

Life can teach you a lot

The way the world treats you can speak volumes, as does those living around you

Actions speak louder than words

What you do behind closed doors speaks volumes about your character, even when you think no one is watching

Your public image isn’t as squeaky clean as you think it is

A lot can be said about a person, even without words

All you have to do is listen, watch and learn

The sixth sense can pick up on things

Just pause…

The narcissist taught me a lot: the most important lesson being is to just listen. My gut was right. Darkness was hidden behind that mask.

I’d ask why you like driving me crazy, but I don’t need to

I’d ask why you’re flying monkeys are so willing to do your bidding, but what’s the point. I wouldn’t get an honest answer.

I’d ask why is it so hard to believe that unimaginable things are happening behind closed doors, but unless you’ve experienced it, it’s extremely hard to explain.

I’d ask…

But into the void it goes…

I have found my voice.

I will keep speaking out.

The trauma you inflicted may mean nothing to you, nothing more than a game, but your day will come…

Until then…

The moment you thought I was onto you, it started

Every move I made

Every word I said

Every response I had

You’d be right there with a way to make the situation worse

You made me think I was going crazy, imagining things

After all, why would you do that to another human being?

I was walking on eggshells, watching what I was saying, changing how I did things

Just to keep you from making it worse

Then I learned about Reactive Abuse. What you were doing was intentional, made to make me feel like I was the problem.

You’re still trying to make me feel like I’m crazy

And you’ve got flying monkeys to help now

But I’m not crazy

And it’s not me, it’s not in my head

It’s you

You’re the problem

You will ALWAYS be the problem

For the longest time, you’ve been making me feel like I’m going crazy

Even now, I’ll catch myself and think I’m imagining things

But I’m not

I see the pattern

I see how you try to make feel like I’m losing my mind

I see how you play things in such a way that it looks like you’re throwing me a crumb as a ‘peace offering’, only for you to go back to being, well, a tyrant…

I see the ebb and flow of the situation

I see how you’re trying to play me like a fiddle

I see you trying to make me feel crazy

I see how it’s making me walk on eggshells to keep it from getting worse

I see how it’s changed EVERYTHING

I am not crazy

I am not seeing things

I am not imagining it

I am aware of WHO and WHAT you are

I am not the crazy one