I am very well aware of how unhappy you are with me because I will not let this go
I see how you keep pulling out every trick in your playbook again
I see how you’re strategically timing when you go outside to avoid bumping into me
You’re trying too hard to prove I’m not living in your head
I see through you
Now that I see the real you, it baffles me that others don’t
But then again, I wasn’t around you long enough to be swayed by a false image or charm. Something was always off about you right from the get go. It may have taken me awhile to figure out what it was, but there’s no turning back.
You may be trying your hardest to retaliate, to drive me crazy, but it’s not going to stop me. You’ve crossed a boundary. You know you have. I’m not backing down. I have boundaries for a reason and you keep proving why they need to exist.
Your obsession and arrogance have already gotten you in trouble.
It’s only a matter of time before they bring you down.
Over the past few months I’ve been told or it’s been implied that I should have just left if it was ‘that bad’
I could give an entire lecture on why it isn’t as easy as just ‘packing it up’
Would I be believed? No.
Am I going to try to argue my point? No
At this point, I don’t see the point in doing so. It’s already difficult enough to explain just exactly how bad the situation is and how bad the treatment from the narcissist is.
That seems to be a battle that is currently playing out in my little world
Having dealt with a narcissist, I am very well aware of where I am mentally, physically and psychologically. Trying to convey that seems to be an impossible task. This is something that can’t be easily walked away from.
The mental games that are played by the narcissist are life altering. You don’t realize the toll it’s taken until you look back and see all the red flags looking back at you. By the time you realize it’s a problem, it’s too late and you’re drowning in lake of problems you didn’t even create. Getting out of it proves to be impossible because all life saving devices have been removed.
For the past week, I have been on a roller coaster for emotions. Every single one is valid. There is a grief, a mourning, of seeing what was lost and what you’ll never know because of what happened. A coming to terms.
A path forward now needs to be created. One that involves people that will no longer be in lives. A new future where we are now keeping others at a distance. Whether they stay, time will tell. There’s a divide in how they think things SHOULD have been done, but our reality dictated otherwise.
For now, we move forward in a way that works for us. Where that leads us, I do not know. I just know that it may not look like the future we originally intended and more like one that was meant for what we need.
The AC came yesterday just in the last evening, even though it shouldn’t have as it was 14°C outside
Today, it came on at 8:42am as he was leaving to take his kids to school and daycare. It hasn’t cycled once. He’s been extremely quiet, as well as his family. They’ve barely made a peep, even as they exited and entered their apartment
He knows where my boundaries are. My limits. He knows I’ve exceeded my breaking point and the thread I was hanging by broke. He’s adding fuel to the fire and knows I can’t do anything about it. In his mind, he won and he’s going to keep adding pressure until I’m obliterated. The people who can stop him don’t care.
But all I’m getting are blank looks. Crickets. I keep getting resources that are meant to help, but end up not applying to my situation. This may be a domestic abuse problem, but I’m not his partner so the rules don’t apply to me
Hotlines are worthless. I can be provided with all the resources and advice they have, but unless they can provide a concrete way out, it’s meaningless.
I don’t need words. I already have a lifetime supply of sympathy. Walks can only do so much and any benefit from one wears off within hours (due to the narcissists actions).
The support system I should have in this situation hasn’t materialized. There’s been stops and starts, and it leads nowhere.
I can keep reminding myself not to react. To not give him the time of day or to keep giving him the silent treatment. But that only gets me so far.
I’m tired of putting on a brave face
I’m tired of bursting into tears and have meltdowns
I’m tired of the panic attacks
I shouldn’t have move back to Ohio. I’d essentially be trading one toxic situation for another.
Symphony can only take me so far. I need people who can ACT on it, knowing full way that their actions speak louder than words. It comes with an understanding that what has happened SHOULDN’T have happened and that no one should have to experience that. PERIOD.
I may sound like a broken record at this point, but I don’t care.
By providing the physical support, acting on a request of help, it provides the beginning of mental healing. They go hand in hand. It may not take care of the trauma that was caused, but it provides a mental relief that someone actually stood up for you and provided you with a way out. That someone has your back in a time of need.
He’s obsessed. He’s determined. He wants to see me fail.
One of the biggest problems I’ve faced (outside of the narcissist) is a lack of understanding. Perception.
I have been making it abundantly clear what exactly has been happening with the narcissist and the negative effects it has had on not only me, but also with my child. The reaction has stayed relatively the same along the way: crickets!
I’ve been receiving A LOT of sympathy with my plight. While it is good to know that people are sympathetic, it hasn’t heled change the situation. From where I am sitting, all I see is a wall of blank stares.
I hhave made every effort to go through the proper channels to get the harassment to stop. I have made multiple efforts to reach out, asking for help. In return, I got doors slammed in my face telling me that hands are tied and no assistance can be offered due to logistics and technicalities. If any further help was needed, I had go this way or do that. It all lead to a dead end. Any ‘assistance’ that was offered by people I knew, it was primarily in the form of advice: go for a walk, move (‘it shouldn’t be that hard’), seek out a support help line, find a therapist. While good advice, it’s all been tried or isn’t a viable option.
What I DO need is a physical support system. People who put their foot where their mouth is and help take ACTION to help me get out of an extremely difficult situation. As it stands right now, I have NO ONE! I am essentially trying to run a household, care for a child, find a new job AND look for new housing without ANY backup. NO ONE to lean on to help me out.
I’ve already stared burning bridges and I’ve had to unfortunately cut ties with at least one person. The decision was taken lightly, but needed to be done. I’m at the point where I’m going to need to do it again with more people. While it’s been helpFUL to have individuals in my corner who are sympathetic, it’s not helpING us to get out. We NEED individuals who willing to act on their sympathetic notions, putting them foot where there mouth is and HELP us get out. We NEED that physical support system.
Island of Misfit Mamas 