Overwhelmed

Overstimulated

Unsupported

I could go on…

Not matter what I do

No matter the strategy

I keep hitting brick walls

I am very well aware of the problem. Trying to get help to fix it is like pulling teeth. No matter where I turn, no matter the road I take…

I am DONE!

I hope I’m driving you crazy

I see you trying to make it look like you’re ‘changing things up’. But your not. It’s the same ‘dog whistle’ you’ve always been doing – you just changed when you decided to employ the play.

You’re clever

You’re slick

You’re cunning

You’re sly

But I can still read you like an open book

You just don’t like me giving you the silent treatment

You really love your playbook

You really love reusing the same plays

I see it

You’re bringing back the same plays

You may be changing how the plays are being executed, but they’re still the same plays

Same tune. Same feel.

They may still be as annoying as hell, but you’re still predictable. Even if you try not to be.

To me, you’ve become a broken record.

It started last night.

I knew today was going to be rough, but I didn’t know exactly to what extent.

All day long, it was one thing after another.

Last night shouldn’t have happened, but it did. I can’t prevent it from happening again. If I asked, you’d hear me because of your tendency to eavesdrop and you’d up doing it yourself. You’d actually add it to your ‘dog whistle’ routine.

All the more reason to be vigilant.

I have no intention of giving you more ammunition.

I am fully aware of what’s happening

I am aware of how I got here

There was no trial. No jury. Just the judge.

Acting alone (and in malice), you decided to act as a judge and executioner. You found me guilty of something I didn’t do. Simply because you can.

As a result, I got ‘locked’ in a ‘prison’ that you designed. There are no walls. No windows. In theory, I can leave any time I want to. That’s what you want the world to think. But because of what you did and how it was implemented, it’s not as easy as walking out the front door. Much like the song Hotel California by The Eagles, you can check out but you can never leave

I noticed it awhile ago.

The more it happens, the more positive I am that the problem is you.

Today, as we were coming back from an outing, you were leaving. You took your family with you. That’s a rarity. The feel in the air said it all. I could breathe.

I had no idea how long you’d be gone for this time. What mattered was that you’d left. For over 2 hours, I felt at peace. I could breathe. I could enjoy being in my own apartment without you polluting the space.

I have no idea when it’ll happen again. It’s very rare that you leave and take your family with you. But when it does happen, it’s one of the most glorious feelings in the world.

And then what…?

I keep seeing you act like the big, bad wolf

Huffing, puffing, blowing out all the hot air you can.

I know you’re trying to prove a point

But you’re not

I still through the act

I still see behind the curtain

I still see behind the mask

I’m not one you can easily intimidate to get your way

The harder you try, the harder I push back

I know you’re still doing your best to retaliate. It may not be obvious to the outside world, but I still see it.

I’ve noticed a change

It didn’t start as a big one

It was subtle

You had put away your ‘dog whistle’. There were days it was brought out randomly, but for the most part, you focused on the eavesdropping.

Then, it started up again.

It was random. Meant to be a warning.

Slowly, it was brought out more and more.

It was only a matter of time.

Today, that ‘dog whistle’ of yours was the loudest it’s been in over a month. The tune is slightly different, but it’s still the same song.

Tomorrow, I’m expecting it to be even louder.

As the days pass, it’s only going to get louder. And more steady.

You may have lost your control over me, but that’s not going to stop you from trying to make things worse.

I am being told to compromise.

It’s being implied that it’s not a choice

I am being told I’m the problematic one

But I know I’m right

Even if the world doesn’t believe me