Socks: Optional

It sounds silly

Until it isn’t

For two years, socks were worn at bedtime because of how cold it got in our apartment

Even during the summer

Before we moved into that apartment, socks were sometimes worn at night during the winter but it wasn’t always every night

When we moved into that apartment, wearing socks every night became a necessity

But it wasn’t by choice

Since the narcissist had complete control over the thermostat

And he was using it every way possible to maintain control and dominate

Forcing us to wear socks constantly at night to keep from freezing

But since he’s no longer in the picture, socks at night have now become optional

It may not seem like a big deal

Because they’re just socks

Until they become part of a solution because of a problem caused by someone else

A solution that was hated

Because we weren’t given a choice

The solution was forced on us because of someone else

Because he kept insisting there wasn’t anything wrong with the HVAC system he was tinkering with

And forcing his way of doing things on everyone else

Insisting on making everyone else miserable to keep himself happy

The fact that socks are now optional is a HUGE win

Because he can’t force us to live in subzero temperatures

Forcing everyone to bundle up

Socks included

Connection Lost

All it took was a few people

They stepped in

They stepped up

In this case, it was obvious

Where child actor Tyler Chase was spotted homeless

The story quickly went viral

Before long, his reality emerged for the world to see

And all it took was a few people to step in and step up

The rest of the world followed

But not everyone is that lucky

He has had several people trying for YEARS to get him help

A small support system that desperately needed assistance and resources

But what’s stopping society from doing the exact same thing for others?

Is it because his was obvious?

You could tell from all videos that have surfaced that he’s probably experienced more than the vast majority

While his experience will be different then others in a similar situation, the question remains: what about the others?

No, you can’t force someone off the streets

No, you can’t force anyone into treatment

No, you can’t make someone choose a path they’re not ready to go down

But that doesn’t mean you block the path completely because of a no

It doesn’t mean you remove the treatment option because of a no

It doesn’t mean you remove housing options because of a no

It doesn’t mean you remove and all assistance because of a no

It doesn’t mean you remove your support because of a no

You can still leave ALL options on the table and walk away

You can still leave ALL options on the table and have others involved in check in’s and check ups

This isn’t a one person solution

There are signs and red flags EVERYWHERE when someone is sliding into the deep end

The signs and red flags may be different for everyone, but they’re there

If you’re sixth sense is screaming at you thay something is off, listen to it

The follow through doesn’t need to be extravagant

A simple text or dropping off a meal is enough to start

Listen with your eyes

Read between the lines

Because everything you see may not be the full story

Things may have happened behind closed doors that you didn’t know about

Even if they seem far fetched

Not everything comes wrapped in a pretty bow

Take a step back and evaluate

What would you do if something happened to you that seemed far fetched?

How would you want someone to respond?

Because if you see someone struggling and it seems like the story behind it is ‘too far out there’, you’re making it worse by stepping back and ‘letting them go’

Step in

Step up

Help

And keep offering the assistance

Bring in more people if you need to

But don’t walk away

Leave the door open

Keep the conversation going

Because one of the biggest mistakes you could make is to close the door

Especially if you lock it and refuse to answer

Help bring back the village

When Holidays Go Awry

We celebrated

But it didn’t go as we originally thought it would

Both my son and I had the flu heading into the weekend

It started to subside by Tuesday

My husband was on his way from the States to visit (he was driving)

By Wednesday morning, he was heading back (he didn’t make it past Michigan)

My son had developed pink eye, so back to Ohio my husband goes

We started keeping an eye on Santa’s whereabouts (thanks NORAD)

I kept getting asked when he’s coming to Canada

My son was up early this morning to open gifts

He was happily playing with them all morning

We had pulled the turkey out of the freezer Tuesday morning

It got cooked this afternoon

But we didn’t eat it

Nor did we make any sides to go with it

Because were both on the verge of a meltdown by mid afternoon

And both for completing different reasons

So we went outside for over an hour to work off the meltdown

When we got home, we ordered pizza

After we were done, the turkey got cut up and put in the freezer to eat at a later time

After we cleaned up, it was back to playing with toys

Being outside and having pizza was the reset we needed

The lights on the tree are on

We still have Christmas music playing

And my son is sound asleep

Tomorrow, the reset will continue

Hopefully, it’ll go smoother than the last 7 days

The Simple Things

It’s a bowl

A simple little bowl

Tonight, it held chili

Homemade chili

Something that hasn’t been made in over a year

It’s something that normally isn’t celebrated

Unless you’re someone who likes to cook

Unless you’re someone who likes to bake

And from scratch

And you haven’t had the opportunity to do so in a year

And today, the opportunity presented itself

So homemade chili was made

With plans for other things (like apple pie) in the not too distant future

Because sometimes the best things come in a bowl

So This Is Christmas

But it still doesn’t feel like Christmas

We have a tree

It’s decorated

We have (a few) Christmas related items on display

We’ve gone to multiple Christmas related events

Presents are currently waiting for Santa to put them under the tree

We’ve been listening to Christmas music for almost a month

We have an advent calendar going

But it still doesn’t feel like Christmas

At least to me

Between an expensive car repair and multiple rounds of illness

Tossed in with no village and sheer exhaustion

The fumes ran out a LONG time ago

And every day is a fight to put my mental health back on track

This year may be better than the past few Christmas’

But if the spirit isn’t there

No matter how hard it’s fought just to get it to surface…

Perfect Creative Space

Part study
Part play space
Part library
There would be a corner desk in one spot. It would be big enough to hold a desk top computer, but it wouldn’t actually have one (just a laptop or a tablet would be needed). A lot of office supplies and books would fill in the empty space.
Bookshelves would be placed along two walls. Many, many books would fill them (Lord of the Rings, Anne of Green Gables, Dean Koontz, Patricia Cornwall, etc…). Preferably a large window with a bench seat in front of it. A bean bag chair (and pillows) in one corner (for days I dont want to sit in front of the window to read).
A ‘play table’ would also be in the room. Because there will probably be days where I’m restless and concentration is an issue. Bins and bins of LEGOS will be in the room. That way, on days where creative roadblocks hit or a mental health moment is needed, the LGEOS can help distract and hopefully help set everything back on course.
Pictures would also be hung around the room. There’d be enough room for a Christmas tree every year. Nothing fancy; a tabletop one would work.
It would have a comfy feel to it, as it’d be a ‘safe space’. A room to go to to work, but also play.

Character: Are You Good?

I can usually sense something almost immediately
I may not be able to know what the exact flaw is, but the sense is there
That sixth sense
The voice in the back of the head that suddenly decides to speak up
The hairs that stand up on the back of your neck
That red flag that you can sense but can’t see
Very rarely am I wrong
My gut is usually right
It’s only a matter of time before the truth comes out
I’ll go with my gut every time

Even if it proves to be unpopular

I’d rather be safe than sorry

Life: One Year Later

Twists

Turns

Hills

Roadblocks

Is it better? Yes

Is it where it needs to be? No

What’s improved? The living conditions. We’re no longer living with crazy people. The living space is cleaner. We can now have actual meals again. The narcissist can no longer control the thermostat and screw up my mental health with it. The alcoholics aren’t keeping us up with screaming matches. With the exception of those who need to know, nobody knows where we live. And it’s going to stay that way.

Why we won’t we be staying? This is meant to be a stepping stone. It got us away from an unhealthy, toxic situation. The space is still too small (two people in a room meant for one). It took over 2 years to find something affordable, made even harder by the fact that most places wouldn’t accept a child living on the premises.

Next steps? Keep moving forward.

Are there bridges that will stay burned? Yes. Some things aren’t meant to be repaired.

A Home? Or Just A Roof?

Technically, we were homeless for a year

But it was implied by society that we should be thankful

But it wasn’t a home

We did have a roof over our head

But it wasn’t a home

We shared a teeny, tiny room

But it wasn’t a home

We were cramped and miserable

But it wasn’t a home

But again, it was implied we should be thankful because it was a roof over our head

But it wasn’t a home

The lack of privacy

The unsanitary conditions

The safety concerns

The deterioration of our mental health

The decrease in access to safe food

The decrease in access to food PERIOD

The lack of common sense from the other inhabitants

Because if we took on one task (like cleaning the kitchen), we’d ‘own it’ and get no help

With an expectation that we’d take over other tasks with no help

It meant we’d be in charge of doing EVERYTHING there

Which resulted in us staying out of sight and hidden as much as much

But the toxic behavior was still there

Which was exacerbated by the alcoholism

Which resulted in screaming matches

Even hearing the random use of a dryer as a drum, which made a ‘lovely’ wake up call in the middle of the night

But it was still a roof over our head, right?

But not a home

And the judgements that went with it

‘You can leave any time you want’

Despite a housing crisis going on

Where affordable housing is an issue for many

Because rent is sky high

It took us 2 years to find something

TWO YEARS

Even then, it’s still not ideal

Nor is it home

A roof is a roof

But we need a home

Stop. Observe. Listen.

Are you listening with just your ears…?

Are you watching from afar…?

Observing from the sidelines…?

Are you paying attention to body language…?

Are you reading between the lines…?

Do you hear the nuances…?

Is something not adding up…?

Are you basing your assessment solely on your experience…?

Are your perceptions correct…?

What’s stopping you from understanding the situation…?

No two individuals are alike

Nor are two situations

So pause

Sit back

And observe

What’s different about their situation than yours?

What are they trying to tell you about what’s happening at THAT moment?

What happened right before it?

What happened even before that?

What circumstances were involved?

How are those circumstances different than yours?

Did you catch all the nuances?

Are you still stuck on black and white?

Did you only get one side of the story?

Which side would you believe anyway, if both sides were presented?