When Silence Becomes the Loudest Goodbye

I know what happened

I know what he did

I saw the wedge he ended up creating

And how everyone fell for it

I saw the ghosting and gaslighting

Silence ensued

For when the truth tried to be told

It fell on deaf ears

There’s nothing left to explain

When understanding refused to take hold

When a lie presented through an image was read as the truth

When a stereotype based on perception was seen as accurate

Healthy communication builds connection

Chronic disregard brings quiet exits

Mental Health: Reclaiming What’s Mine

My mental health took a hit after having a baby

It took a nose dive after an abusive neighbor decided to come after me when I discovered he was doing something illegal

Thankfully, that door was shut (and locked)

A few more crazies may have been encountered in the time since we left the grip of the narcissist, but at least one thing is looking up: finding ways to improve mental health

While circumstances and weather may have hindered moving forward, that’s slowly changing

Warmer weather mixed with opportunity has unleashed chances to take in all the wonderful things Mother Nature has to offer

And the benefits are already trickling in

They may be small now, but with time, it’ll keep improving

Mental clarity

Better sleep

Starting to let things roll

Pushing back when needed without fear of consequences

Holding steady when being ‘pushed’ by passive aggressive behavior (what goes around comes around)

But with warmer weather in the days and weeks ahead, the knowledge that a continued improvement is a possibility is something to look forward to

It Says A Lot When

You don’t need words

Your behavior says it all

You placed a target on my back within 2 months of meeting you

You assumed I was an easy target

As the months have gone by, the tension grew

A pattern emerged

You kept assuming things that weren’t true and you hovered when the suspicion became all consuming

Then you treated me like I had the black plague

Slowly, suspicions grew again

Then the hovering

The cycle and pattern kept repeating

Until you blew up at me for something I didn’t do

Since then, the cycle has started to repeat at a quicker pace

You’re coming across as paranoid

But you’re projecting that paranoia onto me and accusing me of being mentally unfit

You even asked me at one point in front of my son if I was mentally ill during one of your spying sessions

Only for you to crawl back into your cave after I refused to acknowledge your accusation

Your behavior and actions speak for you

You think you’re the normal one

Even though you throw a fit when someone moves your items when you leave them in the way (and you’ve told MULTIPLE TIMES to put things away)

Even though you lock every one out, even when you see them outside but refuse to acknowledge their presence

Even though you treat the place like you’re the only one living here, but get mad when someone wants to makes use of the shared space

When you say you want to ‘help’ but then refuse to do so when it’s your turn

When you complain about others not cleaning up after themselves but you turn around and do the exact same thing

Because it’s become apparent that you have a ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ philosophy

And there’s been a few times where your actions come across as abusive

But it says a lot about you

In how you’ve been treating others

It says a lot about you

When you refuse to acknowledge that you’re a source a tension

It says a lot about you

In who you choose to target and how you go about it

Are You Trying to Find ‘The Button’?

The one thing that will set me off?

See what my limit is?

How far you need to go before I ‘lose it’?

You have a pattern

A cycle

I am very well aware of what you’re doing

And why I’m your target

You have the signs of an abuser written in your actions

The red flags started popping up a while ago

Now your waving them like your the sane one and everyone else is problematic

You can project your flaws onto me

Shift the focus and deflect

Pass the blame onto others

You’re a brick wall

And very much tone deaf

You deal mostly in verbal assault and mental abuse

And you use your physical stature to emphasize your point

Making sure those ‘lower’ than you know their place

I am not going to argue you

Even though you probably want me to

Because it’ll go nowhere

According to you, there’s only one right side: yours

You can start all the battles you want

But the vast majority of problems you see are caused by you

At least there’s a camera watching

It’ll back me up when you decide to erupt like a volcano

The only thing I’m guilty of right now is letting you getting under my skin

And you’re trying capitalize on it

Life + Time = Perspective

Life happens
Sometimes it happens in the most unexpected ways and in the most unexpected places
When a curveball comes out of left field and takes you by surprise, it can take a while to process
Especially when you’re in the middle of a life altering event
We’ve been through plenty of those in the past few years
Thankfully, we’re in a place where we now have some breathing room
Some distance (and time) has resulted in getting retrospective
Yes, there have been plenty of difficulties
Yes, we got through them
But it shed a light on the direction we should be heading
It also shed a light on who is heading down that path with us
Some people I didn’t expect to be left behind are being left behind
Not by choice, but by necessity
Actions, or lack thereof, can sometimes speak louder than words
So can staying silent
I’ll probably get argued on the point with a ‘That’s not what I meant’
An open discussion with an open mind would have produced more results
But life happened
We’ve moved forward
And we’re in the process of finding our footing again, setting a new foundation
The grass may not always be greener on the other side
But it can sometimes be the start of a very promising beginning with greener pastures on the horizon

‘The Pickle’ Dilemma

We’ve all been there

We’re given a choice to make

Sometimes it’s a situation where the choice seems impossible

Because no matter how you look at it

It simply becomes a ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ type of situation

And you find yourself in a pickle

Do I? Don’t I?

So you make a choice based on the circumstances you see in front of you

And I’ve made plenty of choices over the last 3 years that many haven’t agreed with

And I’m okay with that

They weren’t there

They weren’t in the thick of it

They didn’t see the full scope of the problem

And probably still don’t

But every choice made was the best option for that particular moment

Not only did they put us on a path that’s closer to where we need to be

It also shed some light on who is (and who isn’t) coming with us on that path

Being caught in a pickle isn’t exactly fun

But the end result can give more clarity than you think

Was It Real?

It didn’t fit the typical scenario

It didn’t have the ‘typical players’

It didn’t follow the typical route

It mainly happened behind closed doors

Which resulted in no ‘real evidence’ being left behind

No physical marks were present

But it was definitely there

From the power control

The gaslighting

The psychological mind games

The weaponizing of inanimate objects

The use of a child to get to you

No, it didn’t fit ‘the parameters’

But that was the point

And the effect was still the same

The consequences were still real

And very nearly deadly

My case wasn’t typical

And it didn’t have the typical scenarios involved in abuse cases

But it still had one thing that made it scary as hell: a covert, malicious narcissist bent on mentally destroying another human being for fun

The Dilemma: To Forgive & To Forget?

‘You don’t have to forgive and you don’t have to forget to move on. You can move on without any of that happening’

~ Taylor Swift

Healing isn’t linear

Healing isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ solution

Healing comes in many forms

Healing doesn’t always have to include forgiving

Nor does it have to include forgetting

For me, there are things that have happened in the last 3 years that shouldn’t have happened

Lines were crossed

Boundaries were pushed aside and ignored

Gaslighting became rampant

It resulted in bridges getting burnt

Bridges I have no interest in repairing

For me to heal

For my son to heal

For us to move forward

Olive branches will not be accepted

Some things just can’t be forgiven

No matter how much you sugar coat it

The Narcissist: The Aftermath

Time has passed

Bridges have been burnt

But it’s brought hindsight

Things that I didn’t notice before have now surfaced

Things I suspected have inadvertently been proven

And it started with a narcissist attempting to mentally destroy me

But something else happened

In his attempt to take me down, he exposed a glitch

A glitch that I suspected existed but couldn’t prove

A glitch that exposed dynamics and tone deafness

Which, in turn, was mixed with inaccurate perceptions and misconceptions

Which lead to misjudgements

Which lead to some individuals distancing themselves

Which resulted in my son and I going down a path that wasn’t clearly marked

Nor did the path have a definitive end

But a glimmer appeared

A light at the end of the proverbial tunnel

We stayed in the shadows

Trust of others had disappeared awhile ago, so some scouting had to be done

A group of individuals were lingering on the outskirts of the tunnel

Ones that didn’t know our history

Nor the perceptions and misconceptions that came with it

They got glimpses of it

Asked about it

And they got told tidbits

Because there was a fear of judgment

At least one has been told of things that have happened

And we were still accepted

If we go awhile without being heard from or seen, I get asked if we’re okay or if we need help

And with no strings attached

Because we’re not being judged based on what someone else in our social circle did

Nor are we being judged based on how we’re reacting to a wolf in sheep’s clothing

Just genuine concern

Trust is still an issue

And it will continue to be an issue

Because I’ve seen what people can do based on inaccuracies

But how things have changed

And all it took was a narcissist to inadvertently expose everything

The Narcissist vs. Ms. Passive Aggressive

I know you don’t like me

Neither did the narcissist

Your behavior speaks volumes

I’ve called out your behavior multiple times

It’s gotten to the point where a third party needs to be involved

Because you’re more likely to listen to the third party

Even though she tells you the exact same thing

And it didn’t take long for the results to trickle in

You HATE that you’re behavior is being called out

And I’m pretty sure you know it’s me doing the complaining

But I don’t care

You have nothing on the narcissist

You may be twice my size

You may try to throw your weight around to intimidate

You may lurk to ‘observe’

I know the payback is coming

But I have at least one person on my side

She’ll hear you out

Make sure your side is heard

But I have a slight edge over you

I don’t go out of my way to ignore the rules

Which you keep doing

And it keeps getting you in trouble

Your reaction has been noted

I’m not going to stop complaining if you keep trying to change the rules

It’s one thing to bend them (as needed)

But it’s completely different if you consistently break them, make up your own and expect everybody to follow

You may be a nuisance

You may be inconsiderate

You may be stuck in your own little world

You may be socially inept

But it definitely comes with a side of attitude

Because you think I’m wrong

Because I refuse to let you make the rest of the house uncomfortable

Your attitude pales in comparison to the narcissist

I survived him

Even after he mentally destroyed me

If I can survive the damage he intentionally inflicted

I can deflect your efforts of payback