‘Suffer in Silence’

I am not allowed to speak up

Every time I do, you dig in your heels and make it worse

If one of us is sick and you find out, you dig in your heels and make it worse

If the wrong thing is said, you dig in your heels and make it worse

I know what you’re doing and you’re digging in your heels to make it worse

I stand up for myself and you dig in your heels to make it worse

I don’t say a thing but you dig in your heels anyway

You want me to stay quiet, suffer in silence, like a ‘good little girl’

No

The answer will always be no

The Boundary

I’m not backing down

I may not know the ending but the story isn’t over yet

I may not get the happy ending

For all I know, this whole thing will blow up in front of me

But you do not have the right to trample all over me

You do not have the right to treat my son and I like we’re nothing more than a piece of garbage

So NO, I will not back down

The boundary has been set

You can keep trying to cross it, but I refuse to change it

You’re a Coward

I know it

You know it

But you’re trying to make it look like you’re not

You’re insisting on using underhanded tricks to get your way

You keep playing sick little games behind closed doors, where no one can see them

You know how to control to narrative

You know how to control your angry

You don’t like confrontation

I see how you try to avoid me

I see how if you have to be anywhere near me, you try to make a mad dash instead

You insist on using enablers and flying monkeys to assist you, including your own wife and child

A weakling

A wolf in sheep’s clothing

All for a power trip

To keep control that shouldn’t be yours

You’re a coward

And you’ll always remain one

The Mental Strain

Overwhelmed

Overstimulated

Under supported

Today, it was definitely a trip

The past 18 months have been difficult. There are good days. There are bad days. Today was definitely one of the bad ones.

You started flexing your control early today. It set the tone for tbe rest of the day. Then life happened. It only added insult to injury, salt to the wound.

At one point, I lost it. I tried not to. I knew full well if I did, you’d use it against me. You always do. But I lost it anyway. I’m human. I can’t keep things in. It’s not healthy.

Thankfully, the outburst didn’t last long.

But today did highlight one very important thing: the mental strain that this whole situation has brought about. It isn’t a healthy situation to be in. You’re making it a point to keep it that way. I still refuse to let you.

You have the upper hand. But I still refuse to let you harass me or my son.

The Arrogance

This whole situation is horrible

The way that you’ve treated us as nothing more than a piece of garbage. And without any guilt.

The arrogance you exude is horrendus

Words cannot even begin to describe how how horrible the arrogance is

How you’re convinced you’re untouchable

I may not have to ability to take you down, but the universe is watching
Karma will deal you a hand thats deserving

But the waiting and the arrogance

The Harassment

You have been harassing me for over a year

The only thing I asked was for you to stop fiddling with the AC, give it a break

But you took offense to that

You didn’t like that someone figured you out, asked you to stop

So you came after me

And you didn’t stop

The more I tried, the deeper you dug your heels

Being the wolf in sheep’s clothing that you are, it proved impossible to get anyone to believe me

Lines were drawn

Boundaries were set

I refuse to back down

You have absolutely no right to harass me for something so simple

All over your refusal to let go

I Won’t Back Down

You have your flying monkeys wrapped around your little finger

I see right through the response she gave me regarding your harassment

I have no idea what you’re holding over her head

But, at this point, I don’t care

I’m still getting out

The universe is still watching

Karma is waiting

I refuse to back down

You have absolutely no right to treat me or my son like garbage

My boundaries have been set

The lines have drawn

I know you’ll cross them, tear them down

I will defend our rights until the end

I’m Not Done

You’ve been trying to make me feel like I’m going crazy. Insane. Like I’m imagining things.

The longer this goes, the harder you try.

I’ve been putting my foot down.

You may not like it, but I don’t care.

This stops. Whether you like it or not.

I will keep repeating myself.

I will keep getting in the way.

I am not crazy

I am not imagining things

The Great Big World

‘On an evening such as this
It’s hard to tell if I exist
If I pack the car and leave this town
Who’ll notice that I’m not around’

~ Barenaked Ladies, Pinch Me

There have been many days (more often than not), where I’m convinced the world doesn’t even know I exist. They may see me, but they don’t see me and look right through me.

It’s a feeling that’s hard to explain unless you’ve been there. With everything that’s gone on with the narcissist in the last 18 months, it’s only made it worse.

Looking at everything that has happened, at everything that needs to happen – it’s all very daunting. Overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Invisibility. It’s a superpower that some may want, but it’s a burden I don’t need.