The Road Ahead

The healing process has begun

It’s going to be a long road

It’s going to be a hard road

It’s going to be a lonely road

Small steps now

We may not be out of your hair yet, but you’re making every attempt to impede that recovery

Healing will happen, whether you want it to or not

You don’t get the final say

The Invisible Scar

I don’t have any scars

You made it a point not to leave any

You came after me for simply telling the truth

Any scars I bare are invisible

But they’re still there

You have absolutely no right to treat me or my son like yesterday’s garbage

I will still speak the truth about you

Even if no one believes me

A lie is still a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is still truth even if no one believes it.

Your True Colors Are Showing

I am very well aware of how unhappy you are with me because I will not let this go

I see how you keep pulling out every trick in your playbook again

I see how you’re strategically timing when you go outside to avoid bumping into me

You’re trying too hard to prove I’m not living in your head

I see through you

Now that I see the real you, it baffles me that others don’t

But then again, I wasn’t around you long enough to be swayed by a false image or charm. Something was always off about you right from the get go. It may have taken me awhile to figure out what it was, but there’s no turning back.

You may be trying your hardest to retaliate, to drive me crazy, but it’s not going to stop me. You’ve crossed a boundary. You know you have. I’m not backing down. I have boundaries for a reason and you keep proving why they need to exist.

Your obsession and arrogance have already gotten you in trouble.

It’s only a matter of time before they bring you down.

The universe is watching.

Waiting.

Karma will have her turn.

But Why…?

The healing hasn’t started yet

That won’t happen until I find a way out

I’ve known for awhile I’ve needed to leave

Over the past few months I’ve been told or it’s been implied that I should have just left if it was ‘that bad’

I could give an entire lecture on why it isn’t as easy as just ‘packing it up’

Would I be believed? No.

Am I going to try to argue my point? No

At this point, I don’t see the point in doing so. It’s already difficult enough to explain just exactly how bad the situation is and how bad the treatment from the narcissist is.

But the healing will happen

The ball is already rolling on finding a way out

The Turning Point

I’ve gotten to the point where I’d rather sit in a sea of strangers than a room full of familiar faces

The trust in gone

Did no oneknow what to do in this situation? No one may know how to handle it?

No one really knows the extent of the damage that was done

No one really knows the lengths the narcissist went to to break me

No one is seeing the lengths he’s still going to to keep me there

The damage may be invisible but it’s still there

The abuse inflicted was invisible and done behind closed doors, but it still happened

I’m done trying to explain, to get others to understand

When the dust settles, we’ll be keeping a distance

Not to punish, not to exclude but to clear our heads and re-evaluate

We need to heal

When we come up for air, reintegrate…

…that will determine the path we take

But the trust is gone

Oh, I See…

The lines in the sand have been drawn

The picture is starting to become a little clearer

I know there are still people who don’t believe me when I say how bad it is

I know there are still people who believe the narcissist

I still know the truth

I saw behind the mask

I see how he’s dug in his heels and is purposely making it worse

I have no interest in retaliation

I have no interest in revenge

I may still try to find a way to get justice but it probably won’t look like I thought it would

By the time this is all over, at least I’ll know where I stand

But first things first: we need out!

I’m Holding You Accountable

I know you’re not happy with me

But I don’t care

I know you don’t like that I figured you out

But I don’t care

I know you don’t like that I stood up to you

But I don’t care

I know you don’t like that I blasted what you did to the whole world

But I don’t care

You can keep pushing boundaries and limits all you want. I know that’s what you’re doing now.

I still won’t care

I have every intention of keeping you accountable for your actions

You have no right to treat my son and I like crap just because you have a fragile ego

When Perception Clashes with our Reality

Perception vs reality

That seems to be a battle that is currently playing out in my little world

Having dealt with a narcissist, I am very well aware of where I am mentally, physically and psychologically. Trying to convey that seems to be an impossible task. This is something that can’t be easily walked away from.

The mental games that are played by the narcissist are life altering. You don’t realize the toll it’s taken until you look back and see all the red flags looking back at you. By the time you realize it’s a problem, it’s too late and you’re drowning in lake of problems you didn’t even create. Getting out of it proves to be impossible because all life saving devices have been removed.

For the past week, I have been on a roller coaster for emotions. Every single one is valid. There is a grief, a mourning, of seeing what was lost and what you’ll never know because of what happened. A coming to terms.

A path forward now needs to be created. One that involves people that will no longer be in lives. A new future where we are now keeping others at a distance. Whether they stay, time will tell. There’s a divide in how they think things SHOULD have been done, but our reality dictated otherwise.

For now, we move forward in a way that works for us. Where that leads us, I do not know. I just know that it may not look like the future we originally intended and more like one that was meant for what we need.

Your Tirade Continues

You’re trying

I know how unhappy you are with me

You let me know every chance you get

The fact that you put your foot down even harder and are digging deeper shows how unhappy you are with me

I’m not done yet

For the past 4 days, my emotions have been on a roller coaster ride because of you. They shouldn’t be.

I’m angry

I’m frustrated

I’m upset

The panic attacks are happening more often

So are the meltdowns

I should be able to express myself, but I can’t. Either way, you use it against me

I may have started the ball rolling on taking you down, but karma will take over

The universe is watching. Waiting.