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Limits are being tested
Boundaries are being pushed
I am very well aware that you do not like being ‘grey rocked’, given the silent treatment. But it’s what you’re getting.
I’ve watched as you change around your gameplan, only for you to fall back your old favorites.
You’ve thrown in a ‘new play’, but I still see through it. It’s not that different from the other plays in your playbook.
It doesn’t change a thing.
I still refuse to let you in on any information.
I was informed one of the best ways to deal with a narcissist is to ‘gray rock’ them. I started doing so several months ago.
Unfortunately, he started clueing in that I was ‘ignoring’ his tactics. So, as a result, he started ramping up his efforts.
For the past two weeks, there was a change in the building. One that can’t be fully explained with words. But the atmosphere said it all: he was up to something and I sensed he was trying to get information. Information I REFUSE to give out.
The feeling is still there. And it’s getting stronger. His tactics are changing and he’s trying not to be obvious about it.
Something feels off. He’s trying to hard.
I am very well aware that I give off a certain aura, one that can be misinterpreted. From the outset, one can say that I’m too sweet, naive and innocent.
Turns out, they’re wrong. The narcissist kinda picked up on it, but he hasn’t seen the full picture yet. He got a taste of it a few days ago. I’m not one to go down easily.
I have his number and it’s up. I unveiled him, lifted his mask for the world to see. I am very well aware that he’s not happy about it. His behavior since has made it known.
The evil Queen is now emerging. Don’t like the road I’m about to travel down? Not my problem. You set me down that road, not expecting any consequences.
I still have no idea if I’ll win the war. But I’m not going down without a fight.
There have been many times over the past year where I have had to start over. Each time, I failed. Not because of something that I was doing wrong, but someone kept getting in the way.
A brain fog had formed. It was put there by the narcissist. The mental and psychological abuse that he was throwing at me caused it to form.
Every time that I felt it start to lift, even if it was just a smidge, I would start over. Then the narcissist would start all over with his antics. Not that he really stopped, but there were rare times when I felt like I could breathe and felt the fog lift, so I made an attempt.
I need out. My son deserves better than what the narcissist is throwing at us.
No matter how long it takes.
No matter how many times I have to start over.
No matter how many times I have to reset.
No matter how long!
There’s been a change in the atmosphere. Something is happening, but I don’t know what it will be. Change is coming.
The tension that is now floating through the building has reached a new height.
I know I’ve crossed a line with the narcissist. I did the unthinkable: I told the world what he was doing. I forced the issue. Now I’m getting the silent treatment. The intense edition.
The last 5 days have been a whirlwind. From some much needed family time to publicly outing the narcissist to my son getting sick, it seemed nonstop.
Tonight, it’s settled. Even though it’s just a moment in time.
There’s a quiet that is currently setting in.
The narcissist has tried taking me down. He’s not going to stop. It’s a path he started going down well over a year ago and it’s a path he’s going to keep walking until he gets his way.
Tonight, it’s one of the few nights I’m claiming. There’s a wedge that developed in a lot of relationships that was put there by the narcissist. It worked on breaking a few of those relationships up. I’m not going to go chasing after them, either.
He may have driven a wedge between some of use, but he’s not breaking the relationship I have with my son. He’s trying. It was starting to work. But I caught on. The brakes have been activated. I’m trying to reverse some of the damage that was already done. It’ll be a slow process, but we’ll get there.
The break off moments. The quiet moments. The silence that sometimes comes when you’re just enjoying each other’s company. The healing that comes with it. The times when you don’t need words because the feeling is there and you just need to sit back to soak it in.
The panic attacks have started again.
Today was the first time I’ve had a MAJOR one. It came out of nowhere. I’m just sitting with my son and it hits. A debilitating one. It took a few before I could move again because of how bad it was.
The past 36 hours have been rough. Sick kid. Going after the narcissist and his flying monkey. It was only a matter of time before one hit.
It’s only a matter of time before it hits again…
I came. I saw. I called the bluff.
You may not have been in the room while things were being debated, but you were sitting upstairs eavesdropping. You still continued to do so well after ‘the debate’ ended.
Your flying monkey tried her best to defend you. I still called you out. She still refused to acknowledge the issue. In her own way, she confirmed that she knew what you were doing but chose to overlook it. Your hold over her became apparent: she was willing to protect you because of the favours you were providing to help her out.
She knows I’m right.
You know I’m right.
You’ll end up continuing your game. The retaliation will continue and get worse. Your ego knows no limits.
But I called the bluff.
I may be shattered. I may be in pieces. But I still walked away knowing that I proved my point that you were interfering with what you shouldn’t have, and your flying monkey knows. She can deny it all she wants. But she knows.
You snuck up in me
I believe you had me pegged before I knew the real you. You saw something in me that you knew could get you in trouble. Right from the beginning, you started testing the limits.
Once I caught on, it was too late. By that point, you had gone full force. The ripple effects had already taken hold. The spiral had started.
So, I told world what you did. I have no regrets.
I am very well aware you’re still going to come after me even harder now. The retaliation may have started awhile ago, but it’s only going to get worse from here.
This shouldn’t be an either/or situation.
I see you
I see through you
I see through how your changing how you use your ‘dog whistle’
You can try to change things around all you want, to throw me off
You try to make it look like you’re being unpredictable. But you’re not.
It’ll always be the same play, same technique, same everything.
The only thing that’s changed is how you choose to make it look like you’re playing your ‘game’.
Island of Misfit Mamas