In Canada, on average, 23% of mothers are dealing with some sort of mental disorder. The ability or desire to talk to someone may not always be present. Even if there is an individual that a mother can reach out to, she may not. Voices inside her own head, left there from anxiety and depression, tell her differently. While it may be easy to say ‘All you have to do is…’, please understand that it may be more worthwhile if you reach out. Even if it’s just to say that you’re coming over to drop off a meal or a cup of coffee, a visit – just to visit – can have a positive impact on the mother’s mental health (it does with me).

As many of you may have heard, one of the original mommy bloggers, Heather Armstrong, passed away via suicide (full story can be found here). Unfortunately, she’s not the first. Also unfortunately, she may not be the last. If you know her story, you know she had her fair share of struggles.

I would like to re-emphasize this: if you are aware that a mother may be struggling, touch base. There are red flags that have been thrown up, but can be easily missed. People get busy, so it’s understandable if you’re not able to commit to anything right off the bat. However, all it takes is a moment to reach out to touch base. You very well may be opening the door for someone who now has an avenue to seek help. If an individual knows that someone is in their corner, no matter what, a large load it taken off their shoulders. You never know what someone is going through and the struggle that they my be facing behind closed doors.

I view the word ‘No’ as a complete sentence. There are many reasons why I’ve said no to things, from being too exhausted to I have no interest to I don’t have the time.

Most of the time, if I’ve said no, it’s no questions asked and it goes no further. However, there are certain instances with a handful of people where it feels I’m being grilled just for saying no. If an explanation is needed (and given), the reason behind the no is often made to seem inadequate and wrong. It can be very frustrating due to the fact that I shouldn’t have to give a lengthy response for what should be a simple answer and made to feel horrible for it.

I have since distanced myself (purposefully) from the majority of the naysayers (with the exception of one) and it’s kinda nice to not to have to constantly explain myself. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where the other side refuses to accept your ‘no’?

One of the things I keep hearing a lot is if you are in need of help, ask. If you’re not in the right headspace, reach out. One of the hardest things for an individual whose mental state isn’t where it should is to reach out for help. There is so much stigma surrounding mental illness that it takes more courage than you realize to even utter a word about where you are. You’re acutely aware of where you are mentally, the environment around you and the individuals that comprise your inner circle (or lack thereof).

While the message is a good one, it needs to be overhauled. The pressure can be too much and you’re assuming that those being told are actually willing to step up to help out. While the majority may be, not everyone is lucky enough to be in a position to ‘spill the beans’.

I have anxiety. I have depression. They strike at the most random times. Reaching out is the hardest thing to do. Why? I left a very toxic situation. While I can count on one hand the amount of people were willing to help in a moments notice, reaching outwas made to feel like it wasn’t an option. There were individuals who were toxic that had weaved their way into the outer limits of our inner circle. Through their actions and expert use of imagery, I was made to feel like my voice wasn’t important and it would be overruled and ignored if I attempted to speak up. When you’re made to feel small and insignficant, speaking up may have been an option but you’re made to believe that no one is going to believe you.

Instead of asking individuals to reach out, maybe it’s time for you to reach in instead. You just very well may be pulling someone out of a very dark place and helping them head down the path their meant to be on to heal and grow.

Life happens. You get dealt with blows. You find a way to make it work.

The last 5 years haven’t been easy. When COVID came onto the scene in 2020, it added an extra curveball we didn’t need. Trying to find a vice to take off the edge hasn’t come easy. Alcohol wasn’t an option, nor was any sort of gambling. Both had the possibility of going down a road I was not willing to go down. I’ve seen others go down that road.

It wasn’t until after we moved that I was given enough space to figure out something that would work. Journaling has helped, but not as much as finding a creative niche. I’ve always loved being able to find ways to express myself creatively. In our house, we have a ‘creative bin.’ It is filled with everything from crayons, markers, paint, paper, googly eyes, pipe cleaners, popsicle sticks and everything in between. We’re always adding to it.

After taking a peek into the creative bin earlier this week, the wheels started turning. Ideas started forming. Creative juices were flowing. Items were plucked from the bin and I set to work. Once done, the anxiety that I’ve been experiencing eased a little. Being able to find a way to distract myself proved to be helpful. Will I something creative again? Yes. If it helps ease my mind and curbs the anxiety, I figure it’s something worth exploring.

What is something that you like doing that helps you?

My son started Kindergarten this year. He was supposed to start in 2021, but due to the pandemic, it delayed his start. We were living in the U.S. when the pandemic started and it delayed a long awaited move to Canada, which, in turn, delayed his start in school (Kindergarten starts at age 4 in Ontario, where we were moving to).

Like many kids his age, he has lived a large portion of his young life in a pandemic setting. As a result, it’s affected his ability to develop social skills. Daycare was never an option pre-pandemic (primarily due to cost). To encourage social skills, we tried other avenues to encourage the development of those much needed social skills. This included visiting playgrounds, indoor play areas, storytimes at a local children’s bookstore, and so on. Initially, there was hesitency from my son (largely due to noise levels and various other factors), but he finally started getting comfortable in social settings and started interacting with others. Then the pandemic hit and the momentum was lost.

Fast forward to 2022 and we were finally able to moved. Due to circumstances beyond our control, his school start date was delayed. Once he was enrolled, his anxiety went through the roof. For well over a month, he would wake up in the middle of the night. Sometimes, it was multiple times. It usually involved tears and him asking me stay in his room for the rest of the night. It wasn’t long before it was having an impact on the mental health of all parties involved due to a lack of sleep on both sides. Oncce the weather started turning warmer, it was decided to drive to school in the morning, but walk home in the afternoon to burn off some nervous energy and get some extra time in the sun. There’s a playground between the school and home that we included as a pitstop on the way home. Within two weeks, the middle of the night wake up calls started to dwindle. The meltdowns in the morning (both at home and at the school) started to slowly decrease. There’s still hesitency to go (due to separation anxiety), but at least we’ve found a way to ease things.

Within a few weeks of spending that extra time outside, I came across some info that confirmed my suspicions as to why it may be successful. Spending time outside increases your serotonin levels, which, in turn, helps with stabilizing mood and sleep. There are still some rough nights, but they’ve decreased substantially since we’ve been spending extra time outside.

What are some of your favourite ways to help promote healthy, regular sleep patterns?