I have never felt more abandoned that I have right now. Knowing everything that has happened in the last year, combined with the knowledge with what we’ll be facing in the coming weeks, overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to cover it.

This is no longer a matter of ‘just breathe’ and ‘one step as a time’. Our lives are about to be uprooted because of a ripple effect from one toxic situation. It was never our intention to stay where we are forever. – it was merely meant to be a stepping stone. When we were in a position to leave, it was to be on OUR terms.

At the beginning of this journey, there was the possibility of hope and new opportunities. Roadblocks, hiccups and hurdles were to be expected. No journey ever goes off without a hitch. We didn’t expect to get sideswipped. First, it was the potholes. Then the hurdles and roadblocks. Detours soons followed. The path forward was no longer clear and started to become murky. Slowly, the puzzle peices started to fall into place when the thinly veiled image started to erode. What was once unseen now became as clear as day. The only problem: Who would believe the new girl? His grip over the situation would prove to be a strong one. He knew what he was doing. He knew that I now knew. But, of course, he didn’t care. The damage that he inflicted may be invisible and may have taken awhile to be discovered, but it finally began to rear it’s ugly head. Now, it’s come to a head and we’re on the losing head. With only weeks to find a way out. The feeling of abandonment has never been so great.

The road ahead is filled with even more potholes, roadblocks and detours. The only thing I am certain of right now is the need to stay up here. The support that my son has gotten through the school system has been HUGE. There are concerns that we have regarding where he is in the grand scheme of things and the school is making it known that they have his back. To pull him out would be detrimental. Children may be resilient, as my son as shown many times over, but staying put in the current school system is the best option for him.

For the past year, it seems like life has just been one HUGE roller coaster ride. While I agree that life itself is supposed to be a roller coaster and you take the good with the bad, it changes completely when someone else takes control and sends you down a path you weren’t even supposed to be on. Trying to get off is another matter when every stop you see is taken away from you.

Yes, I keep talking about this. I am going to keep talking about this. I am making my voice heard because I’m tired of it being ignored. I’ve been thrown into a situation that was created by someone else, someone who is now hiding behind an image because he knows that an image can speak a thousand words.

They say that the universe has a way of evening things out. While I don’t wish harm on him or his family, there will be a day karma will come knocking and hand him a surprise he wasn’t expecting. Until that day appens, all I want is to be out of this situation and given peace of mind.

For the last week and half, life has just thrown us curveball after curveball after curveball. As a result, it’s thrown EVERYTHING off kilter. For a household that runs on routine and schedules (because that’s how we work best when we know what to expect when), it’s gotten REALLY rough.

Things are now starting to go to the wayside. There may be individuals routing for us, but they’re all doing it from a distance. There is absolutely NO ONE here with me in the trenches. No one to help look after the sick kid so I can do household chores. No one to take care of the house or the kid when I get sick. No one to help to with the overflowing dishes when your child is sick again and needs your help falling asleep. No one to step in when you get SO OVERWHELMED that you just start letting things go. This isn’t just one thing; it’s multiple.

So, here we go another night of letting dishes go. They were done last night, but it was only the bare minimum and must to clear off some counter space. Another attempt will be made tomorrow. Unless another curveball is thrown at us…

To say I’m angry would be the understatement of the year.

On Friday, I got mad at the neighbors upstairs for repeatedly intentionally finding a way to leave the heat off and doing so because this fellow upstairs has an unhealthy obsession with making us suffer in a cold environment. They heard and finally turned the heat on. Yesterday, they were out all day and the furnace cycled properly like it should. However, today, they’re home and the heat has been off since about 9am. This obsession he has is beyond ridiculous.

We are in the process of looking for new living arrangements, but due to rediculously high rent and lack of affordable housing, the ability to move in a timely manner is little hard. Theray is also in the cards, but affordability is also an issue. In both cases, it’s not a matter of IF, but WHEN. Options are being looked into and explored, but until something we can afford pops up, it’s a waiting game (which makes it extremely frustrating on my end because it feels like I keep hitting brick walls). My mental health has been taking a beating lately and vocalizing what’s been happening is one way that helps me vent until we’re in a position to move and find a therapist.

There’s been many times where I’ve passed by houses that have put out items for the garbage truck to pick up, like dressers and bookselves. More often than not, it’ll get me thinking about how to repurpose the item that just got ‘tossed’. One persons trash is another persons treasure.

One day, on the way home after picking up my son from school, I saw a dresser sitting on the curb. With the assistance of my son and a couple of neighbourhood kids, we picked up all the drawers from the dresser and plopped them in our garage. Last week, I attached a bunch of the drawers together to create a new bookshelf for my son. When my son saw it, he got excited and helped arrange the books on the shelves.

How do you quantify trauma?

I’ve been very vocal about the war that’s been happening over the thermostat and the ripple effect that it has had on us. To some, it seems like a silly spat over one small thing. However, there are nuances to the situation that make it difficult to explain with words. As a result, it makes it difficult to paint the full picture to get the rest of the world to understand. It’s very much a mind game and the HVAC system is being used in such as a way to assert control over the situation.

The thermostat isn’t in my apartment – it’s in the apartment of the family that is above us. Prior to the begininng of October, the fellow upstairs could turn the heat off and AC on whenever he wanted to. A locked thermostat has since been installed, so the temperature is set by the landlord and can only be changed by her. However, within 48 hours of installation, the fellow upstairs figured out a loophole: place a portable heater near the thermostat and it throws the sensor on the thermostat off. It’s believed that he has the portable heater cycle so it doesn’t cause the temperature on the thermostat to go above 23 degrees celcius.

The mindset behind this is what’s causing the trauma: the belief that only the fellow upstairs gets to determine what happens with the thermostat and the temperature. No amount of talking or negotiating will get him to change his mind, as it’s his way or the highway. Trying to get the landlord or city involved only causes him to dig in his heels deeper, using it as a weapon and throwing it back at you. He’s sly, cunning and has a charisma to him that results in you looking like the bad guy. The accompanying result is the toll it takes on your mental health, as you KNOW what the problem is but every single attempt to resolve it only gets thwarted.

To the world, this may this may come across as a ‘temperature war’, but there’s so much more to it. Words cannot even begin to explain all of the little nuances of the situation that make this situation what it is. The trauma may not be visible or easily recognizable to an outsider, but once you step inside and you pick up on all of the subtles, things start making more sense…

I have encountered many people who have the mindset that every negative can be turned into a positive. Or, it’s a mindset of ‘No negativity allowed’.

However, as someone who is currently trying to get out a negative situation caused by someone else, I honestly don’t see the benefit. Yes, having a positive outlook on life is a good thing. But if you’re in the midst of fighting for a better way of life, trying to find the positives of a negative situation is the last thing you’re worried about. Sometimes, there needs to be a distance between you and the negative situation before you can even begin to process it. Every experience that someone goes through has the potential to change you and alter you in a way that you never expected. To minimize the negative is almost like gaslighting because, at that point, you’re minimizing the traumatic experience and expecting it to have no more of an impact than, say, a papercut.

How a situation affects an individual is not up for you to determine. Neither is how it is chosen to be viewed. If you’re in a situation with someone who has just gone through a negative experience, instead of trying to get them to find the positives, help them by showing up. How they choose to navigate isn’t up to you. While you can help guide them, which path they actually end up on will be determined by what helps heal.

So, for the last year, I’ve been dealing with a narcissistic, toxic neighbour. The building where I currently live is a former tri-level house that has been split into three apartments. The thermostat that controls the temperture for the ENTIRE HOUSE resides in the apartment of the fellow who lives on the main floor. He has made it known that he prefers colder temperatures and has acted accordingly when it comes setting the temperature on the thermostat. A locked thermostat was installed in early October 2023, but he managed to find a loophole to keep the HVAC system from cycling properly. We’ve actually gotten into at least one heated argument over this.

As a result of having to deal with his toxic behaviour (and a landlord who refuses to acknowledge that this neighbour has an alter ego), it’s lead to some trauma (since he INSISTS on keeping it cold, keeps finding ways to keep it cold, and will even sacrifice his own family’s comfort to ensure that everyone in the house knows who remains in control).

There have been many times in the past year where I have snapped because of encountering a ‘trigger moment’, but have gotten reprimanded for it. I have been very open with those around me about what has been happening and how it has affected not only me, but our entire household. Everytime I snap because of a trigger moment, all anyone sees is the reaction. Trying to explain the connection is like talking to a brick wall.

If you’ve found yourself in a situation where a specific moment triggered you, what have you done that has helped you from reacting?