I know how dangerous you are

I see it in how you handle yourself

I see it in how you behave

I see it in how your family behaves

I am very well aware of this situation can become extremely dangerous in a heart beat

I am very well aware that your mood can dictate exactly how dangerous things will get

I have already seen what things you are capable of so far. The extent you will go to to keep your control, your power and your way of life. I know you don’t care how it’s affecting anyone else.

It is only a matter of time before you find out what I did. It is only a matter of time before you turn the tables and take it out on me. Exactly what that will look like? I do not know. You keep things close until you determine when to set it loose.

The only thing that I am certain of is that the end result will be further destruction. After all, how dare I disobey you. How dare I reveal your secrets. How dare I try to take away your power, your control.

I have absolutely no intention of making things worse. I only want it to stop.

I know you’re dangerous.

I know you’re about to make it a whole lot worse.

I’ve asked the question a million times.

Why?

You know what you’re doing is wrong

You know what you’re doing is causing harm

You know what you’re doing is having negative consequences

You know you’re being deceitful

You know what you’re doing is detrimental

You know, but you don’t care

You know, but you do it anyway

You know

I can ask the question as many times as I want, but I know you’re not going to give me an honest answer.

I can ask the question, but it’s pointless.

I am allowed to ask, even if I know I’ll never get an answer. I am allowed to ask, even, even though it won’t bring closure. I’m allowed to ask, because I will always be curious about what makes a narcissist tick. It won’t solve anything, nor will it fix anything. It’s not something that I will lose sleep over.

But I will always wonder why…

Or not to forgive…? That is the question.

The answer is no.

You intentionally started a war

You intentionally tore me apart

You intentionally made my life a living hell

You intentionally made things worse when I tried to get you to stop

You intentionally set out to elicit a reaction

You intentionally set out to make me feel crazy

You intentionally set out to obliterate my mental health

You intentionally used our words against us

You intentionally went after my child

You intentionally weaponized

You intentionally targeted

It was intentional. ALL of it.

You showed no remorse. Absolutely none. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Not one ounce.

I have absolutely no intention of forgiving you.

Phase 1 started. Several hundred pieces of evidence was uploaded and made public. Evidence showing what you were doing.

Phase 2 begins tomorrow when that same information gets sent to a second party.

It’s only going to be a matter of time before that information makes it way back to you. Do I think you’ll react well to it? No. I think you’re going to take this new ‘hiccup’ and dig in your heels even further. Make it more unbearable. More uncomfortable. Make it so that I’m forced to react to a war you started.

Do I think I’ll get anywhere with what I did? I don’t know.

Do I think it’ll finally take you down? I don’t know.

The only thing I’m certain of is it’ll inflame the war. A war I did not start. A war you insist on fighting. I war you insist on winning. A war you want me to lose. A war to keep your control. A war to prove that you’re the one in charge.

This may not be a game changer. It may not even end the war. But the world will now see you for who you really are.

You’re become more eerily quiet.

There are times where I can hear you moving around, but that’s a rarity these days.

There are times your oldest attempts to still act like an elephant in a trampoline park, but those times are starting to become a rarity.

Do I expect that to change? Yes. I know you’re trying to keep me on my toes and I know you’re trying to make me feel like I’m going crazy.

Right now, I think you’re more concerned about getting information. Hoping I spill the beans about my next move.

I know your ‘dog whistle’ is still in play. I may not know when you’ll bring it out next, but I know you haven’t put it away for good.

I have no desire to anticipate your next move. I just know everything is still on the table.

The biggest thing I’ve noticed is that you’re being more eerily quiet than anything else. That may change tomorrow. Or maybe the day after that. I have no desire to figure it out.

I’m keeping my mouth shut. At least, I’m going to try to. It isn’t easy when you’ve made it your mission to elicit a reaction and make me look like I’m the bad guy.

I’ve started the ball rolling. It’s only a matter of time.

I see how you brought out a new play from your playbook

I saw how you brought it out yesterday for the first time

I saw how today you brought it out again to use

I saw you ‘upped the ante’ with the new play today

I saw you testing the waters today with the new play

Tomorrow, you’ll more than likely bring the play out again and up the ante once more

I know you brought out the ‘new’ play to try to elicit a reaction

I know you brought out the ‘new’ play to ‘mix it up’

This won’t be the first or last time you bring out a new play

I know where you’re going with this

I see you

You’re being eerily quiet, but I still ‘hear’ you

You’re being eerily quiet, but I still sending a message

You’re being eerily quiet, but I know you’re eavesdropping

You’re being eerily quiet, but I know you’re using it to plot your next move

You’re being eerily quiet, but I know you’re going to use whatever you think I may be doing in that moment against me

You’re being eerily quiet, but I know you’ll switch to an elephant in a trampoline park noisy in a moment’s notice

You’re being eerily quiet, but I know the you’re rolling out a move from your playbook

You’re being eerily quiet, but you’re still saying more than you think you are

You’re being eerily quiet

I see you

I see how you’re trying to push

I see the ‘dog whistle’ getting stronger

I see you trying to become more blatantly obvious about blowing that damn ‘dog whistle’

I see your obsession growing more by the day

I see you trying harder and harder to push my buttons

I see you trying harder and harder to elicit a reaction

There are days where it takes every single ounce of me to keep my mouth shut

There are days where I slip, but I manage to bring the reins back in

There are days where I just can’t and I just lose it

As much as I need this obsession of yours to stop, I know it’s not going to. You hate the fact that you can’t control me into obedience. You hate that I’ve started the ball rolling for getting you into trouble. You hate the fact that you’re losing your grip. You hate that I see right through you.

So you keep going back to your ‘dog whistle’. You turned your own wife into a ‘flying monkey’, an enabler, to keep pecking. You turned your oldest child into a pawn, to be used in your game, to be used as part of the ‘dog whistle’.

The ‘dog whistle’ may be getting stronger, but it’ll be part of your downfall.

Overwhelmed.

It doesn’t even begin to cover everything I’m experiencing right now.

It even begin to explain everything I’ve had to go through to get to this point

It doesn’t explain the unease about everything yet to come

There’s A LOT of turmoil right now. All caused by one person. A person who can’t let things go. Who doesn’t like being told no. Who doesn’t like that he’s being challenged by a female. Who doesn’t like that his authority is questioned.

You may want to flip our life upside down. Make me feel like I’m going crazy. Question every little thing.

Evidence has been gathered and it is the process of being uploaded. It’ll be sent to the proper authorities. I’ll have my day to make my case. With any luck, you’re days are numbered.

Overwhelmed doesn’t even cover it…