Overwhelmed. Overstimulated. Frustrated. Burnt out. Alone. Lost. I’m tired of sounding like a broken record. I’m tired of the same advice.

What do I need? I need someone to be able to physically take my place for multiple hours so i can take an uninterupted break. I need to be able to sleep for more than 5 hours a night. I need to be able to sleep past 6 am. I need someone else to take over morning duties without asking. I need someone to take over ALL of my daily tasks without asking. I need someone to take over my mental load. I need to be able to take a break without someone asking a thousand questions. I need contact with other humans – ACTUAL humans – not a face online. I need someone to take over if they see I’m starting to get overwhelmed. I need to be able to breathe. I need to eat in peace. I need to be able to vent without being told to stop complaining (there is a difference). And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I’m not expecting everyone to be a mind reader, but to be able to read the situation. All it takes is for people to pause and take a look around them. The support system that so many mothers need is there and can be tapped into, but if no one is paying attention – no matter how loud the mother speaks – how can you be heard?

By the time my son was six months old, I knew something was wrong. Mentally, I knew I wasn’t myself. Trying to explain that to others seemed damned near impossible. It got explained away as a normal part of motherhood. By the time my son was a year and a half, I had my first breakdown in front of my husband and I was suddenly being taken seriously. It was also by this point that I had pinpointed what the problem was and why it was a problem: my mental health had taken a hit and a large part of it was due to a lack of support. It didn’t help that there were 3 very toxic individuals in our lives that made it worse and cutting them off wouldn’t be easy.

The decision was made to move, where I would have better access to a support system and (hopefully) better access to mental health services (since they were out of reach where we were living when my son was born). While it may have taken a couple of extra years due to a pandemic, the move finally happened. Unfortunately, my mental health was still taking a hit due to a bunch of unforseen speed bumps and brick walls. I’ve had more panic attacks than I could count. With all the nerve I could muster (which isn’t easy when you’re brain is telling you you’re not worth it), I finally admitted it openly.

However, one major thing I’ve noticed: the emphasis is on the person with the mental illness to take the lead. If you’re stuck in your head, finding the courage to finally admit something is wrong isn’t the easiest thing in the world. There are A MILLION REASONS why someone isn’t comfortable coming forward, and they’re all valid. Every relationship is a two way street. Every single person who has a mental illness gives off red flags. When I initially started giving of signals that something was off, only one person recognized it and said something. ONE PERSON. That ONE PERSON kept me from going off the edge the first time and they didn’t even know it. All it took was one person reaching out and saying: I see you, I’m here for you, I’ve got you.

As in my case, one of my main reasons I’m still having trouble admitting anything is due to three very toxic individuals that I ended up crossing paths with around 20 years ago. I didn’t realize it at the time that they were toxic (or that what the term even meant). I just knew that when I first met them I didn’t like them (a sixth sense had kicked in) and they were kept at arms length as a result. As the years progressed, their true colours started showing and my sixth sense proved right. They had no qualms about going after you if they didn’t like you and try to tear you down. They tried it with me, which is why the decision was made to get out the opportunity arose. It took a few years, but I made it happen. I haven’t heard from any of them since I moved and I have absolutely no intention of reaching out to them. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve washed my hands of them. At least, in terms of being made to feel like I have to include them in anything. They’re hold on my mental state may take a little longer, but it’ll happen. It is also these 3 individuals that are making it hard to move forward. Once someone has a hold on you mentally, it makes it hard to come forward. And while I agree that if you’re able to come forward, do so. But don’t put all the pressure on the person with the mental illness. If you suspect something, say something. You very well may save a life.

So, my husband was able to visit for about a week. During that time, I was able to get a bit of a reprieve from some of the daily tasks that always fall on my lap but usually have no help with. Now that he’s left to go back home, the feeling of being overwhelmed has made an appearance again. Throw in summer vacation and the feeling seems stronger.

Trying to explain where you are (mentally, physically, psychologically, etc.) to others feels like you’re talking to a brick wall. I’ve had individuals slip into my DM’s for an explanation to try to better understand what may be going on, only for it to turn into a guilt trip because I’m not doing enough to reach out to others to ‘make sure they’re okay’. To say that I’m overstimulated with everything that is on my plate would be the understatement of the year. I can only do so much with the situation I’m in, but societal views and individual beliefs of others are clouding the picture. Don’t be surprised if it results in me pushing back and telling you to lay off.

There was a post that was made on Facebook a few days ago that hit close to home, so I’m posting it here to share in hopes that others can understand where a mother is coming from:

“Can we talk about the fact that moms get overstimulated and it’s mistaken for anger..? No, I’m not angry; I’m just trying to sooth a screaming baby, while hearing mom mom mom, with the tv on 88, the dryer going, some random person mowing the lawn, my Apple Watch dinging non stop, my shirts too tight, my hair isn’t in a messy bun correctly, there’s crumbs on the floor and I can feel

I’m not angry I’m overstimulated af and need a minute to get myself together

Motherhood is incredibly exhausting.

No matter what someone always needs you.

Go to work; someone needs you, come home; someone needs you, go to sleep; someone needs you, shower time; someone needs you, going to the bathroom; someone needs you. A child, a baby, an adult IM ALWAYS NEEDED.

Please. Let me collect myself before you start to accuse me of being in a bad mood”

(Original poster: Lindsey T Evans)

Apparently, I unitentionally started a war with my upstairs neighbour. The apartment where I live in a tri-level house that has been split into three apartments: mine (which has two bedrooms), the apartment upstairs (which has three bedrooms) and one apartment in the back (which has one bedroom). So far, the only major downside is that one person has control of the thermostat and that is the apartment above mine.

A few months back, shortly after moving in, I noticed that during the winter months, there were days that the heat got turned off – even if the individual who lived upstairs was home. I was told that if it got too cold or too hot, I’d be able to ask for the temperature to be readjusted accordingly. I tried that a couple of times, but it didn’t make any difference. As a result, I asked the landlord about it and for a few days, everything seemed fine. However, it went back to getting cold again because the furnace was intentionally being turned off again.

As the season changed, and the AC was brought online, there were days that when the AC came on, it stayed on. Usually, it would be on for multiple hours at a time without cycling on/off like an AC should (there was one weekend where it ran for a straight 36 hours without cycling on/off). It was then that the reasoning became apparent: the individual who lived upstairs liked it cold and ran the system accordingly. The landlord brushed off the possibility, only because the temperature had been set on the thermostat (as well as turned to ‘auto’). However, after the landlord left for work, the individual upstairs would change the settings and turn the entire building into an icebox.

For a three week period (beginning in early May), the AC would come on almost every single day and stay on. There were two days where it got so cold that I had to put my son in winter fleece PJ’s and wrap him in a blanket to keep him warm. I ended up telling the landlord that the AC was acting weird and there may be a problem with the sensor on the thermostat. The landlord did try to reiterate that the thermostat was on ‘auto’ (so it shouldn’t be running so much) and I could always asking the tenant upstairs to readjust the temperature. However, I emphasized that the AC was on constantly (usually 7+ hours a day without cycling) and it was doing so on a daily basis, so I would literally be asking every single day for the temperature to be readjusted. I was then told that if the AC ‘acted up’ again, let the landlord know so an HVAC tech could be brought in. The AC acted normal for the next few days, but after three days of ‘normal’, it did it’s thing again and ran for multiple hours straight (the temperature in our apartment went from 22 degrees celcius to 18 degrees celcius in a matter of hours). As a result, I told the landlord. It hasn’t been a problem since, but I’ve been given the cold shoulder from the neighbour upstairs ever since this whole thing got brought up. What exactly will happen as we go forward, I do not know, but I have a feeling that I haven’t heard the last of it.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation that you had to speak up about? Was it the result of someone else’s actions?