For the First Time in 3 Years…

We’re sleeping in a space that’s comfortable

Where the air isn’t freezing constantly (because of an abuser)

Nor are we frying because of a lack of an AC during a heat wave like we were earlier this summer

For the first time in 3 years, we’re going out because we WANT to

Not because we’re trying to warm up

Or because we’re trying to get away from toxic people

For the first time in 3 years, we’re not being grilled as we leave about where we’re going or where we’ve been

For the first time in 3 years, we don’t have to worry about being eavesdropped on

For the first time in 3 years, we don’t have to walk on eggshells to avoid having our activities used against us

For the first time in a year, we have access to a workable kitchen and can actually make meals again

For the first time in a year, we’re no longer having just sandwiches for dinner because of having access to a clean kitchen and clean cooking equipment

For the first time in a year, we have access to a clean floor so my son can actually play with toys

For the first time in a year, we have access to a clean living room that we can sit and enjoy the company of others

Where my son can also play without worrying about a dirty floor

For the first time in a year, we’re now sleeping through the night without being woken up by screaming matches from other individuals who are intoxicated

For the first time in a year, we don’t have to worry about being woken up in the middle of the night by loud gong like sounds (which were made by intoxicated individuals hitting the washer and dryer)

For the first time in a year, we can now leave our food in the house without worrying about it being stolen by others

Which means our car is no longer being used as portable storage for food

For the first time in a year, my son’s bike and scooter can be left in the backyard without being vandalized or broken by an intoxicated individual

For the first time…

We can begin living again because someone else isn’t out to destroy

For it took several years to get out of a mess that someone else started but we were expected to solve immediately

Because it ‘shouldn’t be that hard’ to find something, despite the country being in an affordable housing crisis for individuals and families (like ours) who don’t necessarily have the means to move into the first ‘nice place’ we find

For it’s easy to judge and provide ‘advice’ from the outside

But once you’re thrust into a world where you’re constantly living in survival mode, getting out takes more than just ‘do it’

What Motivates Me

My son

The ‘other side’

The ‘light at the end of the tunnel’

That there’s more to ‘this life’ than what’s been thrown our way

We moved in hopes of finding a better support system, since we didn’t have one.

Initially, we thought we found the much needed support after ‘the move’. But that proved to be wrong, as it quickly disappeared after I began fighting back against the psychological abuse being thrown our way from our upstairs neighbor.

Then came the toxic environment with the abusive alcoholics. From the screaming matches to the tipping over of furniture, we spent more time out of the house than in it.

It became putting one foot in front of the other.

It became about showing my son not to give up.

One way or the other, we were going to get out.

Going back to the States wasn’t a viable option for a multitude of reasons

But we finally got out

And we’re slowly making our way down a new road

One we’re exploring together

Away from prying eyes and judging minds

Just Care

That’s all it takes

It shouldn’t be THAT hard

Reaching out

Giving a helping hand

Provide a hand UP

Show up

Keeping a distance may be necessary to provide space (as needed), but it shouldn’t be the norm

Be there

Be present

Even if it’s just to lend an ear while things are sorted out

Even if all you do is provide company for an hour

Just show up

There’s no one right way

Social Media

It has it’s benefits

With so many options to ‘stay in touch’, it can become easy to bury your nose in your phone

I use it

Not as much as I used to

But I refuse to touch Facebook

I deactivated my account over a year ago

I don’t miss it

I have no intention of reactivating the account

I use Messenger, but only as a way of communicating with a few people who live in other countries

After my mental health took a nose dive because of the psychologically abusive neighbor, Facebook made it worse

For anyone who was interested in staying in contact after I left the platform, they found a way to do so

There were others who went no contact even before I left the platform

The no contact list grew after I left

Most of it intentional on my end, with the random one that wasn’t

A few more were added in the last week

There will probably be more in the days and months ahead

I have no interest in reconnecting with anyone on the no contact list

Just as I have no interest in going back to Facebook

My mental health and over all well being takes priority

The Shift

Life threw us a curveball when we moved 3 years ago, as we unexpectedly crossed paths with a psychologically abusive neighbor

Life threw us another one last year, when we ended up moving into a place with abusive alcoholics in the building

Multiple curveball came our way in the last few weeks, as our vehicle needed an emergency visit to the shop in the midst of a sudden move (we found out second hand that the individuals we were staying with had two weeks to move but they never told us)

Somehow, we survived each curveball

Just barely

New surroundings

New people

New beginnings

A shift has occurred

Only time will tell it’s ‘for the good’

Peace? Is that a thing?

It’s supposed to be out there

I keep hearing it exists

The last three years have been rough

EXTREMELY rough

The last 2 weeks alone proved peace of mind wouldn’t be easy to come by

Flying by the seat of our pants the entire time

But we survived

Even if it was just barely

And it definitely paved the way for what MAY be a turning point

To what may be a peaceful road

With a peaceful ending

But with everything that’s happened, that potential peace will be walking side by side with leftover chaos

Chaos that was set in motion by others

Mindful moments will still have a place

Chaos may want to reign supreme

But it’ll be knocked down

One step at a time

I Can Explain it to You, But I Can’t Understand it for You

For what goes on in my world doesn’t always make sense in yours

Nor is it my responsibility to make it make sense

People are people

While there are things in this lifetime that YOU wouldn’t do, it’s not going to stop someone else from doing it

And while there activities that, on the surface, make no sense to you…

…but once you start to dig deeper, pieces of the puzzle start falling into place

Words can only convey so much

Images can deceive

Take a moment

Sit back

Read between the lines

Not everything is black and white, nor does it always fit nicely in a mold

What Would You Change About Modern Society?

A lot of things.

Mainly, how we view and deal with each other.

There’s a lot of snap judgements being made based on perception and images. Sit down and talk with people. Don’t just sit on the sidelines and base your view of the situation on second hand information.

If there’s a situation involving an individual that seems sketchy to you, what are you doing to get information about that particular situation (and the individual involved)? How are you coming to the conclusion you have? Are there details about the situation that you don’t know about? Have you gone to the individual in question and inquired if anything may be ‘off’? Are assumptions being made based on who they’ve been associated with (either in the past or in the present)? Is there something that the individual in question can bring forward to change your view? What would it take to get you to walk into the situation with an open mind?

For the past 3 years, I’ve been stuck in a situation that isn’t black and white. Assumptions are being made based on a slew of things, from inaccurate perceptions to false presumptions, compounded with ‘that’s not my experience’ scenarios. I can tell you until I’m blue in the face the type of help I need, but since it doesn’t fit in a cold, I’m getting lost in the shuffle.

So, if I coud change anything about modern society, it would be how they view and deal with anything that isn’t straightforward. Not every problem fits in a mold and can be easily solved with a ‘one size fits all’ solution. Before you go jumping to conclusions, pause. What would you do if you were stuck in a situation that wasn’t straightforward and everyone was giving you the exact same ‘solution’ that you’ve already tried (multiple times)?

When Society Forgets There’s Actual Humans Involved

Because while you’re sleeping comfortably in an AC cooled room, there’s individuals who are tossing and turning in a heat wave because fans aren’t enough

Because while you cook a homemade meal, there are individuals who eat the same thing over and over again because everything else they bring ‘home’ gets stolen (if they’re able to eat at all)

Because while you have space to lounge and make memories with the ones you love in your own space, there are families crammed into a tiny room with barely any room to move (with nowhere else to go because of an affordable housing crisis)

Because while you may see it as ‘at least you have…’, those on the other side are being stripped of what should be basic rights (such as a safe home with access to necessities) but that’s become a luxury because of various factors

Because while you may have a support system, there are individuals who lost there’s because a wolf in sheep’s clothing slowly stripped it away

Because while you see black and white, others live in an immensely dark gray zone

Because what you see isn’t always what it seems

Because nobody wants to talk

Because nobody wants to dig below the surface

Because the human factor got lost

And replaced with a ‘one size fits all’

Abuse & Technology

I started speaking up when I noticed something was off

I kept pushing it because I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable in my own home

But no matter how much I spoke up

No matter how many times I tried to get it stop

No matter how many times I reached out for help

It only made it worse

It kept pushing my abuser to ‘punish’ me

He didn’t need to lay a hand on me

All he had to do was put a finger on a button

I’m not the first one to face this

And I certainly won’t be the last

But I’ll be damned if I stay quiet

I know what he did

For some light reading on the topic:

Psychology Today – Remote Controlled: Domestic Abuse through Technology

ABC News – Tech Torment: How smart home technologies are being used by domestic abusers

WIRED – Smart home tech is being turned into a tool for domestic abuse

Canadian Women’s Foundation – New Technology Can Be Used to Abuse Women