And I want to do is scream

For no matter how hard I try

All my efforts end up in the gutter

And I’m only given is a bandaid to fix it

The behaviour of my son and I SCREAM we need help

But it keeps getting misconstrued and misunderstood

I keep getting made to feel like a failure

Despite every effort on my end to dig us out of a hole society shoved us into

When misconceptions and perceptions still lead the way

When the world see black and white but we’re drowning in gray

When ‘But Why…?’ leads the charge

When an explanation is needed for the other sides behavior

When you’re the one being looked at like you’re the one who did something wrong

When all I did was point out the problem and the person who caused it

And as I sit here, on Christmas Eve, trying to figure out how my kid still gets a Christmas

Even when we have individuals trying to help us

But it keeps falling flat because of the unique situation we’ve been put in…

…and I sit in the dark trying desperately to make it work!

…I wouldn’t have been stuck in the situation I was with the psychopathic neighbour

If it was that easy…

…I wouldn’t have been forced out due to circumstances beyond my control

If it was that easy…

…we wouldn’t have been forced into the situation that we’re in now

If it was that easy…

…I would have left on my own terms

If it was that easy…

…but it’s not

All everyone sees is black and white when we’re drowning is gray

All everyone sees is what perception tells them

All everyone sees is what CAN be done if you have a village in place

All everyone sees is what CAN happen if you have the means

What NO ONE sees is what happens when you have your rights stripped away

What NO ONE sees is what happens when a malignant force intentionally derails your train

What NO ONE sees is what happens when it’s so calculated and cunning that people doubt the story

After all, if YOU wouldn’t do it, why would they?

If it was that easy…

I’ve been on this road longer than I care to be

Getting off is proving impossible

Inaccurate perceptions have lead to major misconceptions

It’s forced us down road we shouldn’t even be on and into a rabbit hole with no way to escape

I’m tired of the band aid solutions and everyone choosing to look the other way because the topic makes them uncomfortable or they think I’m exaggerating or fabricating

Just because YOU wouldn’t do something despicable to another human, or you haven’t come across one who has…

It’s invalidating and insulting

I am very well aware of what we’ve been through

I have the scars

Scars that will be around for years to come

Scars that will takes YEARS to heal

All because ONE PERSON

I watched as he manipulated the situation

I watched how he used HIS OWN FAMILY to go after me

I watched as he kept trying to go through my own son to get back at me

I watched as I tried to go through every single avenue to get him to stop, but he he would always manage to stay one step ahead

I watched as I tried to go higher up on the food chain, only to be told to start over again because they didn’t want to touch it

So, NO, I will NOT stop talking about this

I will NOT go down quietly

I am going to keep speaking up and speaking out

Over the past two years, I saw a side of humanity that I never thought even existed

I watched as the dark side emerged

I watched the dark side slowly took over every aspect of life

I watched as every attempt to get it to stop only made it worse

I watched as the dark became all encompassing

I watched as every attempt for help was left hanging

I watched as we were told to just ‘move back’

I watched as we kept getting backed into a corner

I watched

No amount of action from end to get the world to understand to help

I watched

There’s a dark side of humanity that exists

You can keep telling us the ‘right way’ to do things

You can send all the thoughts and prayers you want

Society’s lack of action speaks volumes

Perceptions took hold, interfering with a necessary lifeline

Perceptions that need to change

Perceptions that are based on inaccurate information

Perceptions that are causing more harm than good

We’ve seen things that we never should have

Things that shouldn’t even be happening

All because it’s easier to believe a ‘no’ from an abuser

All because of ‘I wouldn’t do that, why would they?’

Not comprehending that not every person has good intentions

It’s one thing to know that evil exists, but something completely different to actually experience it

It doesn’t go away just because you ask it to

It doesn’t go away with the wave of a magic wand

It doesn’t go away

Evil is evil

Your naivete shows if you think a simple solution will fix a complex problem

But yet, we’ll be the ones getting in trouble because we had the nerve to speak up

The solution isn’t a ‘one size fits all’

The dark side exists

And it’s worse than you can ever imagine

The damage it’s inflicting is more severe than you can comprehend

Dig deep

Look beyond the image

Believe those who have the courage to speak up

Be willing to get your hands dirty

The dark side exists

And it’s living right under your nose, in plain sight

It was never black and white

But everyone keeps insisting it is

‘All you have to do is…’

‘Why didn’t you…?’

‘Talk to this person…’

‘We have no jurisdiction, talk to this person…’

The amount of people we’ve talked to

The amount of times we’ve been told ‘We can’t help’

The amount of times we’ve been told to look elsewhere

The amount of times we’ve had to zig because we couldn’t zag

I can tell you straight up what the problem is

And I can tell you how straight up the ripple effect it’s caused

And the consequences that resulted

But when everyone is only looking at the surface and refusing to dig any deeper…

You can’t see how we’re drowning in the gray zone

It all started with wanting to give my son a better life

I under the impression that a village was to come with it

The village may have been a small one, but it was there

It had all the earmarks of an improvement

Then I outed an psychotic narcissist

I still stand by what I did

But it started us down a path I didn’t expect

The village slowly started to disappear

Next thing I knew, our world was being turned upside down and the village disappeared completely

We were being gaslighted and forced down a road we should never have been on

While my village disappeared, my son at least had a strong support system in school

Even after we were forced to move and found ourselves in an even more precarious situation, his support system in school only grew…

The search is still on to get us to where we need to be, but at least I know where NOT to go

Bridges have been burned and will continue to be burned

But the possibility of a village still exists

All avenues are being explored

All roads will be searched

All roadblocks will be turned over

No matter where we land, it’ll be an uphill battle

The day will come when we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel

A few lightning bugs may be helping us get there

I just hope those lightning bugs stay

It’s definitely helping taking the edge off the darkness

And the consequences are even higher

I can blow the whistle I want

And I can make that whistle as loud and as obnoxious as possible

But if society refuses to hear it…

There will be a day that society will turn around and ask why didn’t you say something sooner

And I’m not the only one in this boat

I’ve seen it happen countless times

Where the truth is being spoken, but everyone would rather turn a blind eye

After all, it’s easy to ignore what you can’t see

Until the day you can’t

And the hard truth needs to be faced

And society’s failure rears its ugly head

Only for the process to happen over and over and over and over again

Too many times to count

With too many victims lining the path

With stories told, but ignored

With the truth looking you blatantly in the face

And for that, I will not forgive

…which can lead to misrepresentation

And, in turn, lead to misunderstandings

Leading to widespread gaps

Which leads to being torn apart

Eventually leading to a complete separation

More than likely, that separation will be placed on the victim

For speaking up

For telling the truth

For not backing down

For not being believed

For not ‘doing enough’ to get out of the situation

When, in reality, all society had to do is act

Putting aside preconceived notions

Putting aside misconceptions

Asking questions for clarification purposes

By believing the words spoken

As there’s more to the story than meets the eye, all you have to do is find a way to understand

Meet them in the middle

Many times, words cannot even begin to explain the situation

But behaviors do…

You’re doing more harm than going when choosing to intentionally ignore what’s in front of you

All because you choose not to dig deeper to try to understand

I’ve been told multiple times ‘You’re in my thoughts’

And it’s an EXTREMELY frustrating line

You can think about my situation all you want

You can send prayers my way all you want

Neither of them have gotten us anywhere

For you, it may be enough

For us, it’s not

Society as whole needs to put their foot where their is and step up

MAJORLY

Within a six month time span, my son and I went from a psychologically abusive situation to one where there’s physical abuse and alcoholism present (neither of us have been touched). To attempt to ask again for help isn’t an option. If you’re not willing to believe me the first time, when psychological abuse was present, why should I attempt again?

The burden of proof was already evident with behaviors…

When my son and I were altering the way we did things to prevent a reaction from the abuser, which in turn would one cause a reaction anyway…

When I started becoming withdrawn and isolating…

When seeking help only made the abuse worse…

Thoughts and prayers have no place unless you’re willing to step up and stand behind it.

Even if it means getting your hands dirty in the process

Sitting on the edge looking in

Always on the bubble

Watching as the world marches on

Constantly trying to make your voice heard

But always ignored

It isn’t about trying to fit in

There are things going on, stories that need to be told, issues that need to be addressed

But everything keeps falling on deaf ears

Society keeps failing those who are asking for help

Blame keeps being put on the wrong person

Perception is keeping individuals from seeing (and understanding) the reality of challenges that others are facing

The gap keeps growing and creating more misunderstandings, spreading misinformation

Its easier to believe a lie than the truth

Until it’s too late

Lives get destroyed because no one stepped up or stepped in

The system is broken

The human connection is vanishing

From where I sit, if I were to disappear, I doubt anyone would notice

I’ve already proven it with a handful of people

Not a peep from people who I thought cared

The blame being put on me for a situation I didn’t create

Should the dust ever settle, A TON of bridges will have burned

And I have no interest in mending any of them

True colors have shown themselves

Words can’t even begin to convey the betrayal

There’s so much I want to say, but I know very well it’s only going to fall on deaf ears

Minds have been made up

Opinions have been formed

Lines have been drawn in the sand

Until you put your foot where your mouth is, words are useless without action

As one who is sitting on the other side of the fence…